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When a brilliant scientist saves his wife's life by uploading her mind to a computer she attempts to convert all of humanity to a digital life form.
It isn't clear in this logline who the protagonist is. The scientist could be because he wants to save his wife but equally it could be the wife because she wants to help humanity. I get that the intention is for the husband to be the protagonist and the wife to turn into an antagonist but that paraRead more
It isn’t clear in this logline who the protagonist is. The scientist could be because he wants to save his wife but equally it could be the wife because she wants to help humanity.
I get that the intention is for the husband to be the protagonist and the wife to turn into an antagonist but that paradigm is not clear from the logline. I think that the reason is the inciting incident is specified after the MC and antagonist are described.
Perhaps change the order around:
After an artificial intelligence created by a brilliant scientist threatens to convert all life on earth to digital forms he must fight to destroy the intelligence which was once his dieing wife.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a brilliant scientist saves his wife's life by uploading her mind to a computer she attempts to convert all of humanity to a digital life form.
It isn't clear in this logline who the protagonist is. The scientist could be because he wants to save his wife but equally it could be the wife because she wants to help humanity. I get that the intention is for the husband to be the protagonist and the wife to turn into an antagonist but that paraRead more
It isn’t clear in this logline who the protagonist is. The scientist could be because he wants to save his wife but equally it could be the wife because she wants to help humanity.
I get that the intention is for the husband to be the protagonist and the wife to turn into an antagonist but that paradigm is not clear from the logline. I think that the reason is the inciting incident is specified after the MC and antagonist are described.
Perhaps change the order around:
After an artificial intelligence created by a brilliant scientist threatens to convert all life on earth to digital forms he must fight to destroy the intelligence which was once his dieing wife.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a struggling wrestling promoter seeks to revitalize the business with a classier product, he is met with opposite from "sports-entertainment" enthusiasts as he wrestles with the absurd, the egotistical, and the muscle-bound prime donnas backstage — risking everything to bring back the golden days of professional wrestling in the United States.
This logline is too long. The inciting incident is described as an action taken by choice of the MC rather than external force that makes the MC want and or need to take action to fix. The MC's goal "...to bring back the golden days of professional wrestling..." seams un motivated and not personal,Read more
This logline is too long.
The inciting incident is described as an action taken by choice of the MC rather than external force that makes the MC want and or need to take action to fix.
The MC’s goal “…to bring back the golden days of professional wrestling…” seams un motivated and not personal, according to the currant draft of the logline. There are many action descriptions that are hard to visualize which makes the logline vague.
I suggest breaking down the story into it’s bare components; Main Character, motivation, goal, obstacle, antagonist. Then strip away all redundant descriptions and re writing the logline to reflect these more succinctly.
E.g:
After a wrestling promoter’s last client is offered a lucrative contract by a large company he must unit all the old wrestling stars into one show to reignite wrestling’s popularity and save the sport.
Hope this helps.
See less