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A college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who want her body to host their ancient founder.
Not sure who the student is grieving for as it is not specified in the logline. This makes the connection between her grief, antagonist and action she takes vague. With no clear inciting incident it is hard to specify when and how the story starts this combined with vague descriptions of actions andRead more
Not sure who the student is grieving for as it is not specified in the logline. This makes the connection between her grief, antagonist and action she takes vague.
With no clear inciting incident it is hard to specify when and how the story starts this combined with vague descriptions of actions and character make it very hard for me to visualize a story from the logline.
The logline specifies that the MC “…must expose a secret…” but what does expose mean? In the news paper? On a blog? On the local news? To the police? there are too many options that expose could relate to.
When the logline specifies that the antagonist “…desperately needs to feed of her sorrow…”, there are too many ways that could be visualized so it doesn’t give a clear image of the specific character. As such it is hard for me to specify the an image of what this specific antagonist is like and how the MC will fight them.
Hope this helps.
See lessA college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who want her body to host their ancient founder.
Not sure who the student is grieving for as it is not specified in the logline. This makes the connection between her grief, antagonist and action she takes vague. With no clear inciting incident it is hard to specify when and how the story starts this combined with vague descriptions of actions andRead more
Not sure who the student is grieving for as it is not specified in the logline. This makes the connection between her grief, antagonist and action she takes vague.
With no clear inciting incident it is hard to specify when and how the story starts this combined with vague descriptions of actions and character make it very hard for me to visualize a story from the logline.
The logline specifies that the MC “…must expose a secret…” but what does expose mean? In the news paper? On a blog? On the local news? To the police? there are too many options that expose could relate to.
When the logline specifies that the antagonist “…desperately needs to feed of her sorrow…”, there are too many ways that could be visualized so it doesn’t give a clear image of the specific character. As such it is hard for me to specify the an image of what this specific antagonist is like and how the MC will fight them.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.
Thanks guys very helpful comments.
Thanks guys very helpful comments.
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