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When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.
Hi guys I've been working on this idea and have come up with a new draft of the logline. Aside from the comments above that have helped shape the logline. I had a problem with the leap of logic of going from being a high-flying (supposedly law abiding "good" citizen) CEO to wanting to fake her own dRead more
Hi guys I’ve been working on this idea and have come up with a new draft of the logline.
Aside from the comments above that have helped shape the logline. I had a problem with the leap of logic of going from being a high-flying (supposedly law abiding “good” citizen) CEO to wanting to fake her own death. So I thought perhaps better to specify a single clear antagonist and his motives and heighten the stakes to motivate her more to do what she does.
After a jealous board member frames a high-flying CEO for embezzlement she hires a hit man to fake her own death to avoid jail but they end up working together to bring the jealous board member to justice.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Nir.
See lessAfter waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
Am not sure what a "...Type A..." is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn't help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing. Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. PersoRead more
Am not sure what a “…Type A…” is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn’t help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing.
Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. Personal though not political or physiological these can be used to describe her character but don’t seam to serve the logline in a way that makes it sound like a compelling story.
And there still seems to be a lack of a clear and tangible goal.
Here is an example of what I mean:
See lessAfter waking from a coma an Amish woman finds herself attracted to the female EMT who rescued her she must now find a way to coexist with her husband and new lover.
After waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
Am not sure what a "...Type A..." is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn't help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing. Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. PersoRead more
Am not sure what a “…Type A…” is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn’t help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing.
Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. Personal though not political or physiological these can be used to describe her character but don’t seam to serve the logline in a way that makes it sound like a compelling story.
And there still seems to be a lack of a clear and tangible goal.
Here is an example of what I mean:
See lessAfter waking from a coma an Amish woman finds herself attracted to the female EMT who rescued her she must now find a way to coexist with her husband and new lover.