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When a bipolar girl mysteriously awakens next to the body of her mother in the woods with no recollection of what happened, a troubled detective must dig deep into the secrets of a small town and its paranormal history, to find out the truth and prove the girl?s innocence.
Agreed with all the above notes. I'll add that most good who dun it stories give the detective a personal stake in solving the crime. In this case, he or she is a detective and according to the current version of the logline, this is just another day on the job. What is it about this particular caseRead more
Agreed with all the above notes.
I’ll add that most good who dun it stories give the detective a personal stake in solving the crime. In this case, he or she is a detective and according to the current version of the logline, this is just another day on the job. What is it about this particular case that makes it more interesting than just any other case he or she had to solve?
See lessTake a look into the life of ?Dog? & ?Bird?. Two roommates who work for Cathedral Nightclub as Promoters in the city of Las Viami.
"...Take a look into the life of ?Dog? & ?Bird?. Two roommates who work for Cathedral Nightclub as Promoters in the city of Las Viami..." Is this a friendly suggestion or a logline...? The primary function of a logline is to describe a plot, check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more inRead more
“…Take a look into the life of ?Dog? & ?Bird?. Two roommates who work for Cathedral Nightclub as Promoters in the city of Las Viami…”
Is this a friendly suggestion or a logline…?
The primary function of a logline is to describe a plot, check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on logline structure and conventions.
Here are a few quesiotns to get you started:
Who is the main character?
What event motivates him or her to take action?
What is the main character’s goal?
See lessdeleted
If "...all life depends on her own survival..." has she been alive for millions of years? Is she immortal? If not, how could humanity have existed before her being born and how will humanity live after she dies? These are just a few of the fundamental logic stumbling blocks this concept will come upRead more
If “…all life depends on her own survival…” has she been alive for millions of years? Is she immortal? If not, how could humanity have existed before her being born and how will humanity live after she dies?
These are just a few of the fundamental logic stumbling blocks this concept will come up against. Even if you have an answer offhand, you’ll have to explain it very quickly and clearly. If a decision maker doesn’t get the concept after hearing the logline and asks a follow up question, you have about 30 seconds to clarify it or else they’ll think that either you don’t know the answer or the concept doesn’t work – either way, they’ll likely pass.
I think the basic premise is too complex for its own good. And I don’t mean the story is complex so as to make it interesting, I mean the actual components that make up the premise are too many and too far fetched. The result is that all these elements are now competing for importance in this concept and as we’ve seen from this thread, they all need too much exposition to explain the logic that connects them.
I, to, saw many similarities between your ‘power’ and the Star Wars ‘force’ and as we’ve seen there’s a parallel between Neo in the Matrix and your MC as well. Point is, that in order to differentiate this story from others in its genre, you’ve added complications and elements – which is good, but they’re simply not working in its current form – which is bad.
I can’t make any useful suggestions at this stage as I’de need to invent too much from scratch for that to work. To help you we need to know what in the story makes it work for you.
See lessWhat is it about this character, premise or plot that attracts you the most to this concept as a whole?