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When a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
DPG I agree the MC seems driven by duty does feel a bit labored rather than apparent as a result of the premise. Tried a version with an effort to save the community from a corporate financial exploit. After the head of a major TV network threatens to convert his community TV station into a home shoRead more
DPG I agree the MC seems driven by duty does feel a bit labored rather than apparent as a result of the premise.
Tried a version with an effort to save the community from a corporate financial exploit.
After the head of a major TV network threatens to convert his community TV station into a home shopping channel to exploit its elderly viewers, Simon (on the verge of bankruptcy) must fight the network to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep the station running and save its loyal audience from financial exploits.
See lessFollowing the Nazi pillaging of her family?s treasures and their theft by a German youth, a destitute Dutch girl traces a mysterious red velvet pouch to Australia where, pursued by German agents, she recovers her family diamonds and falls for the thief?s grandson.
This logline has lots of unnecessary description and many details that don't contribute to the plot progression. This is what I was able to understand: MC = girl Flaw = ? Inciting incident = Family being pillaged Antagonist = ? Goal = family diamonds or finding the owner of a red pouch obstacle = seRead more
This logline has lots of unnecessary description and many details that don’t contribute to the plot progression.
This is what I was able to understand:
MC = girl
Flaw = ?
Inciting incident = Family being pillaged
Antagonist = ?
Goal = family diamonds or finding the owner of a red pouch
obstacle = several German agents
B plot = Love interest (thief’s grandson)
Period = ?
Without a flaw she becomes a generic MC and seam to lack depth more so without an antagonist in this story in particular the main action seams to fall in a random manner rather than a dedicated effort.
More to that point because the period is unclear the reader can’t tell if this is happening now or during WW2. What this means is the inciting incident could occur during WW2 (mention of Nazi’s pillaging) but then the MC falls for the thief’s grandson happens years later. Which means the inciting incident doesn’t happen to the MC or even in a linear time frame to the rest of the story.
Lastly regarding the goal it is not clear whether she wants to find the family diamonds or the owner of the mysterious red pouch.
Without a clear inciting incident well defined flaw an antagonist a clearly single goal and a understood period setting I’m not entirely sure what this story is about.
Hope this helps.
See lessFollowing the Nazi pillaging of her family?s treasures and their theft by a German youth, a destitute Dutch girl traces a mysterious red velvet pouch to Australia where, pursued by German agents, she recovers her family diamonds and falls for the thief?s grandson.
This logline has lots of unnecessary description and many details that don't contribute to the plot progression. This is what I was able to understand: MC = girl Flaw = ? Inciting incident = Family being pillaged Antagonist = ? Goal = family diamonds or finding the owner of a red pouch obstacle = seRead more
This logline has lots of unnecessary description and many details that don’t contribute to the plot progression.
This is what I was able to understand:
MC = girl
Flaw = ?
Inciting incident = Family being pillaged
Antagonist = ?
Goal = family diamonds or finding the owner of a red pouch
obstacle = several German agents
B plot = Love interest (thief’s grandson)
Period = ?
Without a flaw she becomes a generic MC and seam to lack depth more so without an antagonist in this story in particular the main action seams to fall in a random manner rather than a dedicated effort.
More to that point because the period is unclear the reader can’t tell if this is happening now or during WW2. What this means is the inciting incident could occur during WW2 (mention of Nazi’s pillaging) but then the MC falls for the thief’s grandson happens years later. Which means the inciting incident doesn’t happen to the MC or even in a linear time frame to the rest of the story.
Lastly regarding the goal it is not clear whether she wants to find the family diamonds or the owner of the mysterious red pouch.
Without a clear inciting incident well defined flaw an antagonist a clearly single goal and a understood period setting I’m not entirely sure what this story is about.
Hope this helps.
See less