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  1. Posted: August 27, 2014In: Public

    When a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 30, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Thanks guys great feedback. The accountant loses his job from the accountancy firm, his wife and house then his father is put in a retirement home suffering form dementia. But gets the MC to promise to keep the station running as it's the only source of entertainment for many elderly and sick peopleRead more

    Thanks guys great feedback.

    The accountant loses his job from the accountancy firm, his wife and house then his father is put in a retirement home suffering form dementia. But gets the MC to promise to keep the station running as it’s the only source of entertainment for many elderly and sick people.

    The stakes are not only financial rather include losing a valuable community service for the aging population and long term illness sufferers.

    I think (according to the comments above) the logline needs to shift its focus to the main action of saving the TV station rather than the specific mechanism by which this will be achieved.

    Latest draft:
    After failing to uphold his dying father?s wish to keep his community TV station broadcasting to its loyal elderly audience. A highly-strung former accountant on the verge of bankruptcy must stop the station from being converted into a home shopping broadcaster by the head of a major TV network.

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  2. Posted: August 25, 2014In: Public

    When well-mannered Japanese woman notices a an enormous boogger hanging out of a nose of her American date, she has to make a tough choice either to tell him and jeopardize brewing romance or endure in disgust.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 29, 2014 at 11:42 am

    As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch. The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn't describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC. If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) sRead more

    As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch.

    The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn’t describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC.

    If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) story and create a tag line for it all I can suggest is shorten it and put a comic twist on the dilemma’s description using a double entendre.

    Avoid describing exactly what the characters experience i.e: “…her disgust and discomfort.” rather describe the combination of their nature and situation that would lead us to understand what the characters feel as a result.

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  3. Posted: August 25, 2014In: Public

    When well-mannered Japanese woman notices a an enormous boogger hanging out of a nose of her American date, she has to make a tough choice either to tell him and jeopardize brewing romance or endure in disgust.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 29, 2014 at 11:42 am

    As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch. The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn't describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC. If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) sRead more

    As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch.

    The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn’t describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC.

    If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) story and create a tag line for it all I can suggest is shorten it and put a comic twist on the dilemma’s description using a double entendre.

    Avoid describing exactly what the characters experience i.e: “…her disgust and discomfort.” rather describe the combination of their nature and situation that would lead us to understand what the characters feel as a result.

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      • Share on Facebook
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      • Share on WhatsApp
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