“…break away…” being described as the main action sounds vague as we don’t know what breaking away from ones imagination means much less doing it slowly.

Further more why would he suddenly break away now? If it’s the sister that’s his motivation how can that be if he lives under the bed?

I think the idea is that a traumatized man fears for the safety of his new born sister. But we don’t understand the stakes, the antagonist and nature of his trauma. Also the logline has too much description that is unrelated directly to the plot and action the MC takes in the story such as years of suffering or living under the bed.

Hope this helps.