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rate my logline
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that's the case, it's just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killedRead more
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that’s the case, it’s just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killed by his daughter.
Other than that, the plot is unclear and the premise confusing.
What is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result of the threat from his daughter? And what does “…bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter…” mean? Do they come up to him on the street with her in custody and show them to each other? Is she a part of the police force and is leading them to catch him? Why would the police be after him in the first place? Why does she want to kill her own father? Is it because they became estranged?
No need to answer the above questions in a direct reply. These are only a few of the questions the logline raises and likely will confuse most people.
See lessA young writer tries to accurately research her novel by getting pregnant and having an abortion, only to find out that she is infertile.
Agreed with DPG. I'll add that I'm not clear on how she can get pregnant and be infertile, the logic here doesn't work.
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that I’m not clear on how she can get pregnant and be infertile, the logic here doesn’t work.
See lessUpon successful human cloning, the mother and the Military of USA destroy the Earth, to redefine ?Mankind? and ?Humanity? on a recreated Earth.
Fighting for the social acceptance of anyone in any situation isn't enough for a story - hold your horses any "WARRIORS" out there, please read ahead... The power of a story comes from the hight of the stakes the main character faces and in this case, the stakes (as defined in the logline) aren't hiRead more
Fighting for the social acceptance of anyone in any situation isn’t enough for a story – hold your horses any “WARRIORS” out there, please read ahead…
The power of a story comes from the hight of the stakes the main character faces and in this case, the stakes (as defined in the logline) aren’t high enough – relevant or timely, perhaps, but not high. Consider The Imitation Game, the main plot of the film dealt with stopping the Nazi forces from winning the war – Das iz big stakes, ya? However, the subplot was about society’s inability to accept a gay guy – in other words, social acceptance.
Point is, you need high enough stakes for the MC to pursue in the ‘A’ plot and any lesser stakes to be delegated to the ‘B’ or C’ plots.
Stakes aside, the logline’s structure isn’t helping. Specifically, what event made the mother need to fight for her children? This is the big motivating event, or inciting incident, and needs to be described in the logline.
Lastly, you need to describe a goal “…fight for the social acceptance of her cloned children…” is an action but how will the audience know she succeeded or failed? What is the end result of her fight? You need to describe the goal she is fighting for and in doing so give a clear time frame for your story so a decisions maker can wrap their head around it.
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