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Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you
This is confusing and lacks a few vital plot elements. "...Having been manipulated online..." - is a very weak inciting incident. If all it takes to push the MC is a few back and forths with a stranger online, he or she is not a very strong character, if anything, they come across as unstable - notRead more
This is confusing and lacks a few vital plot elements.
“…Having been manipulated online…” – is a very weak inciting incident. If all it takes to push the MC is a few back and forths with a stranger online, he or she is not a very strong character, if anything, they come across as unstable – not a good character trait for a protagonist. More to the point, the MC’s motivation remains unclear, why MUST they do whatever it is they do? Being manipulated is one thing, and their motivation is another.
The lack of motivation also relates to empathy, why would the audience care about a terrorist? The MC is a killer, there’s no redeeming aspect in his character.
Last thing, what’s his or her goal? What MUST be achieved by the end of the story?
See lessThe Lord living under an alias tries to reconcile with his estranged daughter who is a member of SWAT, but kills to police officers in self defense and not only finds himself at war with a brutal police force, but his daughter and now the salvation of humanity hangs in the balance.
Lucien York, Stop posting new versions of the same logline as new threads, please restrict any further iterations to an existing one. Your revised versions seem to lack the fundamental elements a logline requires and you don't seem to be incorporating the suggestions given to you so far. Best you reRead more
Lucien York,
Stop posting new versions of the same logline as new threads, please restrict any further iterations to an existing one.
Your revised versions seem to lack the fundamental elements a logline requires and you don’t seem to be incorporating the suggestions given to you so far. Best you read about logline conventions and study the comments other users have given you.
See lessChrist living a normal life as a normal dude decides to defend himself against a brutal police force bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter who is trying to kill him.
Please restrict your posting of new versions of the same logline to the single original thread. In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live aRead more
Please restrict your posting of new versions of the same logline to the single original thread.
In order for Christ to be Christ, he needs to sacrifice himself and get resurrected. From your logline, it sounds like your Christ skipped the major shenanigans in the new testament and went on to live a normal life, and if that’s the case, it’s just a story about a guy trying to avoid being killed by his daughter.
Other than that, the plot is unclear and the premise confusing.
What is his goal? What does he need to achieve as a result of the threat from his daughter? And what does “…bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter…” mean? Do they come up to him on the street with her in custody and show them to each other? Is she a part of the police force and is leading them to catch him? Why would the police be after him in the first place? Why does she want to kill her own father? Is it because they became estranged?
No need to answer the above questions in a direct reply. These are only a few of the questions the logline raises and likely will confuse most people.
See less