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When she breaks the law and names herself, a free-spirited cog fights against the local diversity officer in order to convince her town that freedom should not be outlawed –The Dark Age–
I find this confusing. What is a cog? I'm also not clear on what the plot is going to be. She breaks the law but how? What does she do? Not sure either what a diversity officer is? Or what function they fulfill. Last thing "...freedom should not be outlawed..." - In what way is freedom outlawed? WheRead more
I find this confusing.
What is a cog?
I’m also not clear on what the plot is going to be. She breaks the law but how? What does she do?
Not sure either what a diversity officer is? Or what function they fulfill.
Last thing “…freedom should not be outlawed…” – In what way is freedom outlawed? Where? How?
Sorry, I’m not trying to be difficult, just can’t get my head around what the story is – maybe I’m interpreting the logline too literally.
See lessWhen a con man discovers he has a 14-year old daughter, he struggles to bond with her while shielding her from his criminal occupation.
Good logline. We watched this film at the Sydney screenwriters meetup and came to the same conclusion that the father-daughter relationship (fake but that's only the case at the end) was the main plot. His inner journey of learning to be a good guy and stop conning people was the main plot and, in eRead more
Good logline.
See lessWe watched this film at the Sydney screenwriters meetup and came to the same conclusion that the father-daughter relationship (fake but that’s only the case at the end) was the main plot. His inner journey of learning to be a good guy and stop conning people was the main plot and, in effect, the catalyst for that transformation was his daughter coming into his life.
Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you
"...Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?..." - Yes. As previously noted, there's no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that's what he is) and the goal is very negative."...these are not heroic characters..." - This begs the questionRead more
“…Is it an issue that the goal of the MC is a negative one?…” – Yes. As previously noted, there’s no reason for the audience to care about your MC as he is psychotic (coerced or not, that’s what he is) and the goal is very negative.
“…these are not heroic characters…” – This begs the question, why should the audience want to follow these characters? And to that matter, why would any decision maker, in their right mind, want to finance the project?
You seem to be either misunderstanding or ignoring the definitions set out under the ‘Formula’ tab up top. You need an event to motivate the MC, that means that instead of having your MC “…develop(s) an obsession online…” you need him to be moved by something that happens in the world. For example, his family could be killed in a war-torn Middle Eastern country by British troops or something of the sorts.
Not sure how the “…a maniacal and violently motivated con-women…” fits into the logline, it’s his story, not hers – her description seems extraneous and unnecessary. Young people are being radicalised all over the world by men and women most of which are maniacal con-people in their own way – they con others to do their dirty deads. Remove her from the logline and the story doesn’t change, which means you need to remove her from the logline.
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