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When she breaks the law and names herself, a free-spirited cog fights against the local diversity officer in order to convince her town that freedom should not be outlawed –The Dark Age–
The plot seems unique. But it will be hard to consume that because of one's name there was a revolution of gender discrimination.Though the plot shall work if you establish that the political ideology followed by the ruling party is based on some principles laid by a major political leader e.g., MaoRead more
The plot seems unique. But it will be hard to consume that because of one’s name there was a revolution of gender discrimination.
Though the plot shall work if you establish that the political ideology followed by the ruling party is based on some principles laid by a major political leader e.g., Maoism was established by Mao Zedong or Marxism was established by teachings and followers of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles. You can come up with your own hypothetical leader with such ideologies. And now that such ideologies disallow you to name oneself and gives you a number instead, the thought can be acceptable.
A book of harmony – sounds that it will have some religious beliefs. I can be wrong, but one would not like to see a sci-fi preaching some harmonious beliefs. An adapted political or economical ideology will suffice. You may not need to clear it in the movie, but to frame a better plot it can be useful.
Now to see that the principles are being followed, you have appointed a diversity officer for every region. Cool.
Even if you establish the above, one will have to register their name after birth. Lets assume She was named 21 and, after becoming an adult she gets fascinated by the thought of naming herself as she learned about the past life of humanity. She goes to the department to change her name. Question arises – Will she be allowed to name herself or get objected? After-all the officers would immediately deny naming her as per law.
(Note my viewpoint is based on this: A person will be named in digits but the officers can not control the in-house names. They can be called anything by their loved ones. How will the in-house name be controlled? Will it matter much that a community/the loved ones call you Johnny and your registered name is 21?)
You need to create a strong reason for your character to name herself so that se can revolt with a motive. The above logline states her being free spirited, I think stakes must be higher. Just free spirited or strong willed won’t trigger a good curiosity in audience’s mind and also such reason must be mentioned in the logline.
It will be interesting to see her lead an uprising for the freedom of naming oneself again.
See lessChrist living a normal life as a normal dude decides to defend himself against a brutal police force bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter who is trying to kill him.
Is Christ your character's name or a brave 'Figure of belief' followed by many. (note: I am not referring to Almighty but someone enjoying a good public stature.) If he is living a normal life as a normal dude, narrow this character down to a 'normal being'. The character decides to defend against aRead more
Is Christ your character’s name or a brave ‘Figure of belief’ followed by many.
(note: I am not referring to Almighty but someone enjoying a good public stature.)
If he is living a normal life as a normal dude, narrow this character down to a ‘normal being’.
The character decides to defend against a brutal police force – Why? What made him take such a huge decision? You must mention it in a logline. If you want to keep it a secret (the reason of such decision) fram your words for better representation.
estranged daughter is trying to kill him! Your character being a normal guy has an estranged daughter; you must have worked on a backstory of your character (it is a good practice to always have a backstory of every character) which is not being reflected in your logline.
As of now this logline does not work for any good reason. It seems to be lacking a proper structred thought. Frame it again figuring your inciting incident, key incident, challange/conflict of your character and your ending of the story (you have an option of not revealing the story but structure the words to create a sense of curiosity among readers).
See lessUpon successful human cloning, the mother and the Military of USA destroy the Earth, to redefine ?Mankind? and ?Humanity? on a recreated Earth.
What is the challenge to your character? How will there be a journey that audience shall connect to? and Who is the main character? A story must be represented from a viewpoint of a character, no matter the number of protagonists existing in the story. Your logline states a situation which may soundRead more
What is the challenge to your character? How will there be a journey that audience shall connect to? and Who is the main character?
A story must be represented from a viewpoint of a character, no matter the number of protagonists existing in the story.
Your logline states a situation which may sound challenging or compelling. But it renders no where as there is no viewpoint/character’s journey.
Redefine the character and main conflict/challenge to your logline. It will attract better reviews from singularities and mentors.
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