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When an earnest, hardworking nineteen year old unknowingly sets up the murder of a childhood friend gone astray, he unwittingly becomes entangled in the unglamorous world of low-level organized crime.
Then what? What happens in your film? All you've given us is a logline. (Although, the idea of an earnest hardworking 19 year old getting sucked into organised crime is at least the irony that you need to keep a logline afloat).
Then what? What happens in your film? All you’ve given us is a logline. (Although, the idea of an earnest hardworking 19 year old getting sucked into organised crime is at least the irony that you need to keep a logline afloat).
See less21 year old guy attempt's to jump his motorbike over a broken bridge but fail's when realising the gap in the bridge is to Wide
Is this a short film? I feel like you've explained everything - including the crisis moment - in the logline and I can't see the potential for dramatic conflict. Why is your character jumping over the broken bridge? What is at stake?
Is this a short film? I feel like you’ve explained everything – including the crisis moment – in the logline and I can’t see the potential for dramatic conflict.
Why is your character jumping over the broken bridge? What is at stake?
See lessWhen an Israelite soldier is killed in the Battle of Aphek, he awakens and is thrown into a vivid, startling world beyond our physical where light and darkness are at constant war with each other.
Call me ignorant if you will, but I don't know what the Battle of Aphek is, and to be honest, I don't think it's necessary. Also, can I know anything more about the soldier than that he's an Israelite? Is he cocky? Is he proficient? Is he lazy? "When a soldier dies in battle ... " Now, you've providRead more
Call me ignorant if you will, but I don’t know what the Battle of Aphek is, and to be honest, I don’t think it’s necessary. Also, can I know anything more about the soldier than that he’s an Israelite? Is he cocky? Is he proficient? Is he lazy?
“When a soldier dies in battle … ”
Now, you’ve provided what happens next in terms of setting; but all I really need to know is that he goes to an afterlife. You’ll save yourself a lot of words if you use terms people can understand. What does he do then, and what is his goal? Is it to return to Earth and his loved ones? If so, what would he need to do to achieve that?
If it’s that he takes part in the war between good and evil in the afterlife, what are the stakes for your protagonist in a conflict that is not his own, and that for all intents and purposes he has just stumbled into the middle of?
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