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A young boy living in Australia try's to earn some Money by selling paper's just so he can support his Family
Sorry Mat ... your logline is pretty flat. It's been worded in a way to disguise the fact that all you've told us is a young boy gets a job delivering papers. What is the scenario that makes your young boy the sole breadwinner for his family? This could clarify both the inciting incident and the staRead more
Sorry Mat … your logline is pretty flat. It’s been worded in a way to disguise the fact that all you’ve told us is a young boy gets a job delivering papers.
What is the scenario that makes your young boy the sole breadwinner for his family? This could clarify both the inciting incident and the stakes.
Besides being young (describing the protagonist as a boy tells us this anyway) what do you know about his character that could reveal his flaw in the logline?
After getting the job, what is the character’s goal? I get that it’s to provide for his family … but that’s not cinematic. What is the concrete, physical thing he’s trying to attain to ensure financial stability for his family, that an audience can watch and go “I get it.” Is he in danger of losing the job, and must complete an impossible number of deliveries in a single week? Does he have to beat some other paper boy for the route? This will also determine genre and tone, so it’s super important that it’s in the logline.
See lessWhen a twenties something Jersey Shore type who lives solely for “the life” comes down with a bout of severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light.
You've provided us a set-up, but I don't have any idea what your movie is about. "When an egotistical meathead is diagnosed with severe depression ..." What happens then? Go back to basics. What is the goal, who is the antagonist, and what are the stakes of failure?
You’ve provided us a set-up, but I don’t have any idea what your movie is about.
“When an egotistical meathead is diagnosed with severe depression …”
What happens then? Go back to basics. What is the goal, who is the antagonist, and what are the stakes of failure?
See lessAfter learning of an imposter alike, a student obtains information and reverses course to track down the whereabouts of the imitator, staggering across an unforeseen discovery.
I don't understand what your film is about. A student discovers that someone has stolen his identity, and he tries to figure out who it is? My first questions are: who is this protagonist that someone would "pose" as them (if it's just a case of identity theft, then stealing their money is implied,Read more
I don’t understand what your film is about. A student discovers that someone has stolen his identity, and he tries to figure out who it is?
My first questions are: who is this protagonist that someone would “pose” as them (if it’s just a case of identity theft, then stealing their money is implied, at least to a degree)? What is your protagonist’s flaw.
In as far as “tracking down the whereabouts of the imitator” … what does that look like? Does your protagonist go on an across the world adventure? Does it mean joining the Glee club to gather information on its members? You need to be very specific about the action and goal of your protagonist in your film, because it’s what tells me what sets your film apart from all the rest.
Who is trying to stop your protagonist from achieving their goal? Is it the imposter, who evades their investigation?
See less