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  1. Posted: May 21, 2013In: Public

    After being shot by a gang in a perilous south African town, an academic student who desires a status in Journalism is claimed to be in the gang by the locals and tries to seek freedom from a town he so dearly wants to help.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on May 22, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    "desires a status in Journalism" is non-sensical. I don't know what you mean. I'm also unclear on the dramatic premise. A gang shoots your protag. Then the town locals say that he's from the gang? Then what? Why can't he leave the town? What is he trying to help them do?

    “desires a status in Journalism” is non-sensical. I don’t know what you mean.

    I’m also unclear on the dramatic premise. A gang shoots your protag. Then the town locals say that he’s from the gang? Then what? Why can’t he leave the town? What is he trying to help them do?

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  2. Posted: May 21, 2013In: Public

    An experienced psychologist is accused of the murder of an innocent girl when his only un-treated patient discovers a talent for art, and creates a piece depicting the scene, 2 weeks before the murder. His whole career depends on proving his innocence, innocence he believes his patient is far from. (I will post a synopsis explaining details soon, i'm still going through development, these are the first ideas)

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on May 22, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    I agree with Adopted Axiom about some ideas, but you absolutely need some of the information from the second half. Without it you only have the inciting incident. "When a mental patient's artwork links him to the murder of an innocent girl, a (flawed - aloof, perhaps, if his level of experience is tRead more

    I agree with Adopted Axiom about some ideas, but you absolutely need some of the information from the second half. Without it you only have the inciting incident.

    “When a mental patient’s artwork links him to the murder of an innocent girl, a (flawed – aloof, perhaps, if his level of experience is the flaw? Maybe arrogant?) psychologist must prove his innocence …”

    The problem I have is that proving his innocence become vague, and the plot could either revolve around a court-room procedural, where the information just needs to be presented to prove his innocence, or else, the psychologist must seek out some “boon” (the piece of evidence that proves his innocence). If this takes place in the real world, specify that. If this actually takes place in the mind of the un-treatable patient, mention that.

    Also – prove his innocence to whom? The stakes are much lower if it’s just the asylum’s board of trustees, than say if it’s the police. What if the person murdered was the child of a government official? Suddenly he has the strength of every government agency in whatever country he’s in coming down to bare on him.

    The hook is good, the need to escape prosecution for a crime he didn’t commit works, but you need to clarify what your story is actually going to LOOK like.

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  3. Posted: May 21, 2013In: Public

    In a world where a new species of human suffers discrimination and containment, a young and erratic Control Officer for the Registry meets a sadistic yet charming bi-species man and builds a partnership that threatens to expose the lies at the foundation of the organization?s operations.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on May 22, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    After reading all the threads, I still don't know what your protagonist wants or what he stands to lose if he fails. Without a SUPER STRONG goal, I can't see how their arc creates a throughline for a single episode, much less a series. What does your agent WANT, and who is standing in their way? I gRead more

    After reading all the threads, I still don’t know what your protagonist wants or what he stands to lose if he fails. Without a SUPER STRONG goal, I can’t see how their arc creates a throughline for a single episode, much less a series.
    What does your agent WANT, and who is standing in their way? I get that on the path to whatever they want, they encounter this crime boss and they have some sort of relationship … but that still doesn’t clarify what the plot of the series is.

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