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After accidentally discovering a superhero?s secret identity, a young psychiatrist is coerced into treating the various mental disorders of a group of eccentric crime-fighters.
What is your character's flaw (and inner journey)? What are the stakes if the psychiatrist chooses not to become shrink-to-the-heroes?
What is your character’s flaw (and inner journey)?
What are the stakes if the psychiatrist chooses not to become shrink-to-the-heroes?
See lessIn order to regain his memories, a reckless entrepreneur must indulge in a powerful hypnotic to overcome trained assassins that know him best.
I'm a little confused in your story, so don't know where to begin with feedback. Your protagonist ... a reckless entrepreneur? Your antagonist ... a trained (perhaps ruthless, or unstoppable) assassin? (Let's centre it to one person - or else, make the antagonist the person pulling the strings of thRead more
I’m a little confused in your story, so don’t know where to begin with feedback.
Your protagonist … a reckless entrepreneur?
Your antagonist … a trained (perhaps ruthless, or unstoppable) assassin? (Let’s centre it to one person – or else, make the antagonist the person pulling the strings of the assassins).
Your event … he has lost his memories. How? What is the visual sequence which will tell the audience he has lost his memories? Is it a bullet to the head like the end of XMen Origins Wolverine? (Please don’t let it be a bullet to the head like the end of XMen Origins Wolverine).
Now it gets confusing. Because I want to know what the rest of the film is about, and your description is that your protagonist indulges in a powerful hypnotic. I don’t know what a powerful hypnotic is, I don’t want to watch 90 mins of a character indulging in it … I hope he does something else more proactive, and I don’t understand how indulging in the hypnotic will either help to bring back his lost memories, or defeat a killer. Nor do I understand why there is a killer after him.
See lessDue to a train crash, Alice and Phil meet and fall in love; Benjamin discourages, Zelda encourages: three people challenge each other resulting in new lives for all of them with the help of the fourth.
Is Alice your protagonist? (The film is titled after her). If so, focus the logline on her, even if the intent is for an ensemble piece. Your event is a train crash. I can visualize that. I have no idea what I'm likely to watch as Alice and Phil meet and fall in love. I presume this is the crux of tRead more
Is Alice your protagonist? (The film is titled after her). If so, focus the logline on her, even if the intent is for an ensemble piece.
Your event is a train crash. I can visualize that.
I have no idea what I’m likely to watch as Alice and Phil meet and fall in love. I presume this is the crux of the story, but how is it handled? What is Alice’s goal – is she pursuing Phil or trying to avoid him? What does she DO in the film … and who is trying to stop her?
I don’t know what I’m looking at with Benjamin and Zelda’s characters either. What does a character encouraging and another discouraging LOOK like? And is this a conflict that can sustain an entire feature?
The second part of the logline “three people challenge each other …” is really just marketing fluff – it doesn’t tell us a thing about what happens. They challenge each other? Like every character ever written challenges another character somehow? And then in the end they have new lives? What are their old lives? What are their new?
I think, like Richiev has said, you’ve got a grand story you want to tell, but this logline is a long way off, and it doesn’t paint a very clear picture about what the film would be about.
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