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(Comedy) After the death of his wife (Mell),the oldest outlaw in a notorious biker gang decides to convert his bandits into neighborhood watch members, Whilst his enemies raise the price on his head.
*bad guys, not bag guys
*bad guys, not bag guys
See less(Comedy) After the death of his wife (Mell),the oldest outlaw in a notorious biker gang decides to convert his bandits into neighborhood watch members, Whilst his enemies raise the price on his head.
I think it's mostly there; just needs a tidy up. My suggestion? "After the death of his wife, an ageing biker converts his gang into a neighbourhood watch alliance, even as the club's enemies come for his life." I would ask - how is the wife's death specifically linked to the club? Did she die as paRead more
I think it’s mostly there; just needs a tidy up. My suggestion?
“After the death of his wife, an ageing biker converts his gang into a neighbourhood watch alliance, even as the club’s enemies come for his life.”
I would ask – how is the wife’s death specifically linked to the club? Did she die as part of an attack on the club? I just want to see that tied in even more strongly with the rest of the film – that the club is the reason she’s dead.
I changed “decides to convert” to “converts” to drops some words from the word count, but also to make it more of a visual action. Deciding to do something doesn’t evoke quite as much camera fodder as actually doing something. Likewise, I don’t want to watch the bag guys becoming more decisive that they want to kill him … I want to see them try to kill him, thus the change to “the club’s enemies come for his life.”
I like the title and the idea; I’d probably watch this film.
See lessUnfaithful man tries to enamor again his wife, who loses her memory in an accident while driving to the divorce case.
I'd listen to Richiev. Good changes. Can you be more specific about how long the husband has before she recovers her memories? Also ... if the protagonist is unfaithful, why would the audience be rooting for him to trick his wife into staying with him? Can you clarify if he cheated once and has realRead more
I’d listen to Richiev. Good changes.
Can you be more specific about how long the husband has before she recovers her memories?
Also … if the protagonist is unfaithful, why would the audience be rooting for him to trick his wife into staying with him? Can you clarify if he cheated once and has realised it was a mistake, something like that? Otherwise I’m rooting for the wife to realise before she gets trapped in that horrible marriage with a liar again.
Title is a bit meh.
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