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A professional doppelganger of a famous actor, impregnates both his wife and his lover. Using his fame as his currency, he pays a hefty price for adultery.
It sounds like one of the problems everyone is having over and over with this concept, and with each version of the logline, is that they're unable to see a clear trajectory that the story is going to follow. The potential for conflict is there, but what form the meat and potatoes of the script willRead more
It sounds like one of the problems everyone is having over and over with this concept, and with each version of the logline, is that they’re unable to see a clear trajectory that the story is going to follow. The potential for conflict is there, but what form the meat and potatoes of the script will take is not concretely defined. As a result, it’s hard to gauge the tone and genre of the work. (Does he move his mistress into the home under the pretence of her being a live in maid? OR does his wife agree to the new living arrangement, and if so, what is the thread that begins to unravel? Does he leave them both? Does he confess to his wife and she leaves him, so he tries to make it work with his mistress and discovers he doesn’t love her …)
Which is why I think everyone is pointing out the need for a clearly defined GOAL. Once he learns that his mistress is pregnant, and he wants to raise the baby AND maintain both relationships (both very human, very relatable desires), what does he actually DO that forms the backbone of your narrative?
– It’s kind of like that film Locke … if Tom Hardy had gone home in the first act and immediately fessed up to his wife and tried to move his mistress in. The concept sounds like this definitely has potential, but it’s unclear how it all works. This logline doesn’t sell it well enough to want to know more.
My first suggestion would be to simplify the language you’re using in the logline, and to avoid being vague about anything (I’d drop the reference to “fame as currency” and “paying a hefty price.”)
“After a celebrity impersonator learns that both his wife and mistress are pregnant, …”
What happens next?
See lessMARBLE HILL SKINNIES AND THE BLACKJACK KID: The story of 2 young men addict to drugs, sex and gambling. They decide the best treatment is to go to Vegas and over indulge the disease.
FreeWill has made some good points. Generally it's worth trying to identify the protagonist, the one who will drive the A-plot, or the POV character. It'll be their story we follow, so that's the form the script is likely to take. 2 protagonists seem messy; and they're unlikely to have the same flawRead more
FreeWill has made some good points.
Generally it’s worth trying to identify the protagonist, the one who will drive the A-plot, or the POV character. It’ll be their story we follow, so that’s the form the script is likely to take. 2 protagonists seem messy; and they’re unlikely to have the same flaws … and if they do, there’s probably very little opportunity for conflict to arise between them. Even Harry and Lloyd in Dumb & Dumber had different outlooks on life …
My understanding of a character flaw is that it’s something internal; it’s a wound inside the character that is terrifying for the character to face (which is why they won’t do it) … but that they NEED to face in order to heal themselves and move on with their life. Addiction itself is not a flaw; it’s the symptom of one, the method your protagonist has chosen to COPE with the flaw, because it’s so terrifying.. So what is your the flaw that he’ll have to work through in the course of the film? What is this character’s arc?
FreeWill has pointed out that the logline needs an event; it gives us context, stakes, and potentially a deadline that the characters must work within (which is useful to up the tension, conflict and stakes). But an event must HAPPEN TO the characters; it cannot be something that the character decides on their own. Even the decision is an ACTION. So ‘want to get clean in time for their friends’ wedding’ is an ACTION, not an event. NOW … if the protagonist’s fiance told him that she would NOT marry him unless he got clean; well, that’s an event — and you could understand that the corresponding action he and his friend take might be to go and work it all out of their system.
“They decide” is a weak action. Characters decide thousands of things over the course of a movie. Is the action they take the journey? (Is it a road movie about trying to get to Vegas?) Or is the action they take getting high in Vegas (Is is a Vegas based drug-trip movie)?
There’s a lot that’s not clear in your logline about what the movie you’re describing contains, why it is set in motion, who it is about and what it is that would make an audience care.
See lessLOYAL ENEMIES: A slick grifter uses his sexuality to convince a wealthy, lonely socialite to back him in a high stakes poker game. He soon finds the deck stacked against him.
Why does he need to play the poker game? Providing some context by way of an event that begins your story may also help to endear the character to us; at the moment, I don't think I like this slick grifter and I don't think I want to watch a movie about him conning this lonely socialite (and potentiRead more
Why does he need to play the poker game? Providing some context by way of an event that begins your story may also help to endear the character to us; at the moment, I don’t think I like this slick grifter and I don’t think I want to watch a movie about him conning this lonely socialite (and potentially others). Maybe if he had a relatable reason for doing it …
No need to write ‘he soon finds the deck stacked against him’. I get the word play, but it doesn’t tell us anything. (It’d be like writing ‘this will prove harder than he thought’ … which is kind of a no-brainer for anyone familiar with how a story works). Instead, perhaps you could identify the specific antagonist that will oppose him from seducing the socialite?
Is the ACTION of the movie (the main thrust of the second act) the seduction or the poker game? It’s actually unclear what form the narrative and the conflict is going to take.
See less