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A kids' baseball team smuggles a dead mobster around town to avoid losing their practice field before the big game.
Why? The hook is interesting enough for me to ask, but the logline doesn't give me the information I'd need to really be further intrigued. I don't understand - the stakes are losing their practice field? How does transporting a dead body factor into them losing it, or potentially losing it? Also, wRead more
Why? The hook is interesting enough for me to ask, but the logline doesn’t give me the information I’d need to really be further intrigued. I don’t understand – the stakes are losing their practice field? How does transporting a dead body factor into them losing it, or potentially losing it? Also, who’s your protagonist? Who does your audience identify with?
See lessA twisted love story of wanton revenge and murder when a teen, accidentally killed by the Mother Superior at his Catholic school, returns from the dead to seek revenge.
How is this a love story? Either describe that or drop it from the beginning of the logline. Is the beginning of the film the protagonist returning from the dead? If so, you've provided us the set up but we don't know what happens next. He seeks revenge; what does that look like?
How is this a love story? Either describe that or drop it from the beginning of the logline. Is the beginning of the film the protagonist returning from the dead? If so, you’ve provided us the set up but we don’t know what happens next. He seeks revenge; what does that look like?
See lessRetired movie people living in a once-grand hotel, fight the wrecking ball to save their home and earn a new lease on life.
Honestly, I think I'd see this movie, but the logline is not really working terribly well. Even in an ensemble piece, there is usually one character whose journey signifies both the start and the end of the story. (I was watching Pulp Fiction last night - and you'd be hard pressed to argue that theRead more
Honestly, I think I’d see this movie, but the logline is not really working terribly well.
Even in an ensemble piece, there is usually one character whose journey signifies both the start and the end of the story. (I was watching Pulp Fiction last night – and you’d be hard pressed to argue that the film, by the second half, hasn’t become Jules’ story). If you’ve already written this script, you’re writing this logline to pitch to producers to get it made – and they’re gonna want to know who the audience is meant to connect with. I’d say clarify who the protagonist of the story is.
See less“Movie people” means nothing. Are they actors? The Hollywood elite? Movie people could mean fictional characters for all the audience knows.
Agreed that wrecking ball, for all it stands for, is not a very good antagonist. Who is behind the wrecking ball.
Also “earn a new lease on life” tells us the inner journey the residents will experience; this can be more succinctly implied by assigning an adjective to the protagonist when you describe him/her that gives us the character’s flaw – and thereby, the journey they will go on in the film to either overcome or succumb to that flaw.
I don’t love the title but I also don’t hate it. Could you punch it up?
Great work so far!