1. Posted: May 5, 2013In:

    When a young Vikings village is destroyed, he must get help from the mysterious warrior only known as 'The Dane Axe' in order to get revenge on those who killed his family.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai

    I think this logline "works" - all the elements are there, I think, but I'm not fully engaged to want to see it. I don't know why, I guess it's that elusive "hook"? Just some feedback, might not be shared by your audience in general.

    I think this logline “works” – all the elements are there, I think, but I’m not fully engaged to want to see it. I don’t know why, I guess it’s that elusive “hook”? Just some feedback, might not be shared by your audience in general.

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  2. Posted: May 5, 2013In:

    A sentinel fights alone in Sahara when a ghost appears to him suddenly just to advice him to leave his place in order to find love and suceed in it after having failed his first one.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai

    I'm sorry but your story is completely incoherent to me. Your protagonist is a sentinel - what is this? I mean, I know what the word means, what is the character? What was he guarding? Is he human? The ghost's advice is your inciting incident. But I don't understand why he sees a ghost (maybe I don'Read more

    I’m sorry but your story is completely incoherent to me.
    Your protagonist is a sentinel – what is this? I mean, I know what the word means, what is the character? What was he guarding? Is he human?
    The ghost’s advice is your inciting incident. But I don’t understand why he sees a ghost (maybe I don’t need to for the logline to work), nor do I understand what he then does – again, because I don’t know who this character is.
    Why does he have to find love? What is the process of finding love? Does he pack up his gear, move to New York and start perusing the classified?
    What are the stakes of failure? He’s already failed love once (if I’m reading that right) … if he fails to find love, does he just continue not having love?

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  3. Posted: April 9, 2013In:

    In a surprise trip home to her sister's wedding, Annabelle is accused of ruining her sister's marriage and destroying the family balance as mayhem seems to follow her wherever she goes.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai

    I think it's fitting that the title of the film is called the catalyst ... because as far as a story goes, that's all you've really provided for us. The catalyst for events. You've described what is likely to happen in the first ten minutes of the film, but I won't pay the price of a movie ticket foRead more

    I think it’s fitting that the title of the film is called the catalyst … because as far as a story goes, that’s all you’ve really provided for us. The catalyst for events. You’ve described what is likely to happen in the first ten minutes of the film, but I won’t pay the price of a movie ticket for the first ten minutes. Like Karel says, what is the goal? What are the stakes?

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