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Abandoned by his platoon, a patriotic soldier befriends a young Muslim girl and must choose between protecting her or helping his team eradicate her village.
Like your earlier "character must learn" logline - a character making a choice is a tough one to base a whole film around. It's not much more than a beat in a story that is ultimately going to have many. So what is the story really about? Is the trouble when the soldier has made the decision, and muRead more
Like your earlier “character must learn” logline – a character making a choice is a tough one to base a whole film around. It’s not much more than a beat in a story that is ultimately going to have many. So what is the story really about? Is the trouble when the soldier has made the decision, and must fight his old allies to protect his new allies?
See lessPosing as a prostitute, a moral housewife penetrates the underground sex-trade in order to find her missing gigolo son.
What is the event that triggers the housewife to go undercover as a prostitute? The hook is pretty clear - outside of the logline, I desperately want to know if she knew about her son's profession before he went missing?
What is the event that triggers the housewife to go undercover as a prostitute?
See lessThe hook is pretty clear – outside of the logline, I desperately want to know if she knew about her son’s profession before he went missing?
A greedy treasure-hunter must learn everything about the life of a woman he's killed in order to find his treasure.
"Learning" as a goal for a protagonist is never a very compelling inclusion in a logline. It's the kind of thing better suited to an inner journey than an outer, and certainly not something I would pay the ticket cost to go and see. What precisely does this treasure hunter do - does he pose as a relRead more
“Learning” as a goal for a protagonist is never a very compelling inclusion in a logline. It’s the kind of thing better suited to an inner journey than an outer, and certainly not something I would pay the ticket cost to go and see.
See lessWhat precisely does this treasure hunter do – does he pose as a relative to infiltrate the family group?
I also don’t really understand what the antagonist or antagonist force is in this story – if all he has to do is learn.
Just as a note, you’ve also go a very unsympathetic protagonist – a greedy, materialistic murderer, and you’re asking us to go no a journey with him while he tries to now profit from his various crimes. I’m not saying it can’t be done, I’m just saying it’s probably going to be tough.