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When an acerbic alcoholic finds himself penniless and alone he has no choice but to crash his family?s holiday. Years of alienating them makes for a stiff challenge, but eventually he subtly helps them heal.
I have a concern about the vagueness of the logline. What is the event that makes him realize how broke and alone he has become? Because if he's acerbic and has been alienating his family for years, why would he suddenly go: "You know what I need? To be around my family." What does he go to them forRead more
I have a concern about the vagueness of the logline.
What is the event that makes him realize how broke and alone he has become? Because if he’s acerbic and has been alienating his family for years, why would he suddenly go: “You know what I need? To be around my family.” What does he go to them for? Money, or companionship?
What then is he doing once he’s with the family? Just kind of hanging around? If he’s a very passive protagonist, you need to make clearer the antagonistic force he’s going to face during the film, along with a clear indication of the stakes of failure in whatever he’s actually doing.
The hook seems to be there – an alcoholic spends a holiday with his estranged family – so you’ve got that much clear.
See lessWhen an elf and a dwarf of noble decent fall in love they struggle with their secret while battling the prejudices of their races as well as an ongoing war against a foe that seeks only to destroy their peoples.
I think you need to be ruthless with your story for the sake of the logline, and tell us who the protagonist is going to be, and what their goal is through the story. At the moment there are two different protagonists (which makes for an unfocused logline), and two different goals (which makes it diRead more
I think you need to be ruthless with your story for the sake of the logline, and tell us who the protagonist is going to be, and what their goal is through the story. At the moment there are two different protagonists (which makes for an unfocused logline), and two different goals (which makes it difficult to picture what sort of film this is likely to be.)
If the focus is “magical races as allegory for interracial marriage”, then we need to know what the protagonist is doing to overcome the prejudices, as well as what the stakes of failure to do so are.
If the focus is the battle, and love story is secondary, or a backdrop to it, then you need to be clearer on the goal and stakes of that side of the story.
See lessAfter joining the crew of an AWOL Confederate steamer, an idealistic medical student must survive the savagery of the ship's captain and crew in order to take part in the destruction of a Union whaling fleet in the Pacific Ocean.
Actually, for the most part, yes it is accurate. In fact, the full story is that the CSS Shenandoah was on a mission to take down Union whaling boats in the pacific ocean. It landed at Williamstown, a port near Melbourne Australia. There was some tension, as the British controlled Australian port (iRead more
Actually, for the most part, yes it is accurate.
In fact, the full story is that the CSS Shenandoah was on a mission to take down Union whaling boats in the pacific ocean. It landed at Williamstown, a port near Melbourne Australia. There was some tension, as the British controlled Australian port (in an attempt to remain neutral) was ordered not to assist in repairs, but it ended up that the ship was indeed repaired, and 40 young Australians stowed away on board. Once in international waters, the 40 were enlisted, and the mission resumed.
See lessThey had an insane number of battles, sinking heaps of Union ships, up around the north of Australia. The Shenandoah also happens to be the ship that fired the last shot of the conflict; word hadn’t reached them of the end of the civil war until months later.
Finally, knowing that they’d be tried as pirates if they returned to US shores (which is what ultimately happened), they refitted the ship and tried to lay low, but eventually docked in the UK.