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An introverted young Goth must stand up to a murderous cop and free a country town of corruption to win back the girl of his dreams.
Freeing a town from corruption is too vague, and not nearly primal enough. What is the hard and fast concrete goal of your protagonist, and who is the main antagonist to him achieving that goal? I think you might have a very vast story on your hands, but are not certain of the A plot.
Freeing a town from corruption is too vague, and not nearly primal enough.
What is the hard and fast concrete goal of your protagonist, and who is the main antagonist to him achieving that goal? I think you might have a very vast story on your hands, but are not certain of the A plot.
See lessAn idealistic detective must protect a witness from the corrupt cops of an outpost town after his witness kills a cop in self defence.
I noticed the 16 Blocks similarity myself. The hook for me is turning those films in their heads - usually they're about washed up police officers reclaiming some of their former glory. I wanted to tell the story of a bright eyed and bushy tailed young detective who is put in a position where he hasRead more
I noticed the 16 Blocks similarity myself.
The hook for me is turning those films in their heads – usually they’re about washed up police officers reclaiming some of their former glory. I wanted to tell the story of a bright eyed and bushy tailed young detective who is put in a position where he has to protect a cop-killer … who happens to be the key witness in a massive ring of corruption that the detective was investigating in the first place. It’s a journey of disillusionment – and I guess that’s what I see the hook as being.
However, if it didn’t appeal, it didn’t appeal. So I have some work ahead of me.
Why does the witness work better as a woman, do you think? What I think you’re suggesting is to turn the need to protect more primal – the witness is not just a stranger, but a lover or a family member. Make the bond between detective and witness stronger, perhaps?
See lessWhen a grieving medic with deadly powers resists induction into the horsemen of the apocalypse, she must battle the remaining three in order to save the world.
Thanks for the feedback guys. To answer your question, Lachlan, the actual film hasn't changed at all. You're correct in assuming that they are in fact 3 humans-with-powers as opposed to beings sent from heaven. Simply by existing, the three have convinced themselves that God has decided it is the eRead more
Thanks for the feedback guys. To answer your question, Lachlan, the actual film hasn’t changed at all. You’re correct in assuming that they are in fact 3 humans-with-powers as opposed to beings sent from heaven. Simply by existing, the three have convinced themselves that God has decided it is the end for humanity, and with no confirmation to speak of, they set about trying to implement the apocalypse.
I actually hadn’t thought about the farmer / medic thing, because in my original idea (this is one of those stories that has been with me so long, there are just a thousand different concepts that have come and gone along the way) but I agree with what has been said – it’s far more ironic to have a medic who suddenly can’t touch anyone for fear of killing them, than to have a farmer (and the connection the “farmer” would have to Pestilence has set my mind working on incorporating that into the story in some other fashion).
I’ll try another logline to see if I can work in the idea of the trio being fundamentalists, and not the ACTUAL horsemen, without it becoming too wordy.
Kriss – thanks for the praise. It might be that this version of the logline works better than the revised one.
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