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"A young girl disappears from her home and a body is found days later. When one of her friends receives a letter from her supposedly dead friend, events start to get twisted.."
FIrst off, your protagonist is identified only as "friend" ... which is about as compelling as a wet rag. What is their flaw, and what is their function - and in what ways do those two things make them both the LEAST LIKELY to be able to solve this mystery, and also UNLIKE any character we've encounRead more
FIrst off, your protagonist is identified only as “friend” … which is about as compelling as a wet rag. What is their flaw, and what is their function – and in what ways do those two things make them both the LEAST LIKELY to be able to solve this mystery, and also UNLIKE any character we’ve encountered before?
You’ve also only described an event – no compelling action. You get vague in the second half there.
“After she receives a letter claiming to be from a recently-deceased friend, a scatter-brained librarian …” does what?
See lessA middle-aged man suffering from short term memory loss caused by injuries in the army, uses photos and letters to track down his loved one who's kept in hostage. However the journey doesn't go to plan.
What is the inciting incident for THIS story? (ie. what information does he receive that lets him know his loved ones are in danger and he's the only one who can save them?) What does he have to do to find them? Why were they taken? Your logline is too vague, and so it reads like a million other stoRead more
What is the inciting incident for THIS story? (ie. what information does he receive that lets him know his loved ones are in danger and he’s the only one who can save them?)
See lessWhat does he have to do to find them? Why were they taken? Your logline is too vague, and so it reads like a million other stock standard action/thrillers (even with amnesia aspect). Get specific, set your story apart from the rest.
A middle-aged man suffering from short term memory loss caused by injuries in the army, uses photos and letters to track down his loved one who's kept in hostage. However the journey doesn't go to plan.
What is the inciting incident for THIS story? (ie. what information does he receive that lets him know his loved ones are in danger and he's the only one who can save them?) What does he have to do to find them? Why were they taken? Your logline is too vague, and so it reads like a million other stoRead more
What is the inciting incident for THIS story? (ie. what information does he receive that lets him know his loved ones are in danger and he’s the only one who can save them?)
See lessWhat does he have to do to find them? Why were they taken? Your logline is too vague, and so it reads like a million other stock standard action/thrillers (even with amnesia aspect). Get specific, set your story apart from the rest.