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A notoriously misogynistic 1940?s Texas police sheriff, awakens from a coma to discover that he is being haunted by the spirits of history?s most infamous women, who are on a mission to alter his chauvinistic ways during which they assist him in solving criminal cases.
Without even reading it, I can see that the logline is too long. You haven't identified a clear goal for your protagonist; in fact, this changing stable of ghost-women is described as coming to help him solve cases - so THEY have something to do, but right now, he's just doing his job. I liked someoRead more
Without even reading it, I can see that the logline is too long.
You haven’t identified a clear goal for your protagonist; in fact, this changing stable of ghost-women is described as coming to help him solve cases – so THEY have something to do, but right now, he’s just doing his job. I liked someone’s idea earlier that there’s a particular case that needs solving; provided his motivation for solving it becomes primal (not just because it’s his job – like, it’s a relative or lover), and finally the stakes of failure need to be clearer.
I admit I don’t know the first thing about writing a logline for television, but this pitch is essentially “A misogynist Sherriff teams up with the ghosts of history’s most famous women to solve crimes.” That’s the core concept, right?
I understand the irony of a misogynist being paired with strong women, but I guess WHY do they come to him? WHY would they want to help? The logic isn’t sound enough for me at this stage …
See lessAfter a lifetime of putting up with her beautiful but vain twin sister, Maddy finds a way to pay her back in doses.
^ what these two cats said. Get specific with the character's goal, as EdgeWriter says.
^ what these two cats said. Get specific with the character’s goal, as EdgeWriter says.
See lessAfter the death of her best friend, a teenage girl begins to notice and investigate strange inconsistencies in reality, attracting the attention of a dangerous organization.
You've provided a setup but not a goal for your character. Is it to survive? What will she have to do to accomplish this goal? It's also not clear as to WHY the death of her friend has any connection to her investigating "inconsistencies in reality" (I also don't know what that means). Can you clariRead more
You’ve provided a setup but not a goal for your character. Is it to survive? What will she have to do to accomplish this goal?
It’s also not clear as to WHY the death of her friend has any connection to her investigating “inconsistencies in reality” (I also don’t know what that means). Can you clarify that within the logline? (Did the friend die under mysterious circumstances?)
Can you find a better word than “girl” to describe your protagonist? Introvert? Prom-queen? Book-worm? Prankster?
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