First, don’t use character’s names. Unless you’re writing the logline for an existing franchise, the name just wastes words and doesn’t grab me more than describing their personality. (Unless you’re talking about the character Jamie Lee Curtis guested as a couple times on NCIS? But even then, she’s a pretty obscure character to be referencing, so I’d avoid it).

Also, it’s very difficult to understand what her goal is: grapple with surrendering herself? This sounds like a single decision the character will make at some point (probably before the midpoint) of your film. Also, it’s going to be very difficult for her antagonist to STOP HER from making that choice.

So the grander goal is actually that she wants to save everyone on a prototype sub? But what does she actually have to do? And why is she involved at all? Did she help build the sub?

A lot of elements that don’t seem to tie together in any meaningful way, unfortunately.

What Richiev says – I get you’re going for a Christmas Carol reworking but Scrooge is a pretty passive character in the original story. I don’t know how engaged I’d be to drag my ass all the way to the cinema to watch this.

Is “man” the absolute BEST way you could find to describe your protagonist? Nothing else defines him but his gender? How about heartless aristocrat? Greedy socialite? Tyrannical loan-shark?

Also, your wording: “after the gruesome murder of his beloved (drop this word) sister” is very vague. The story changes dramatically if you indicate that “after he murders his sister” or “after his sister is murdered”. So get specific.

Drop the sales pitch at the end “will draw instant comparisons etc.” Let the quality of the story speak for itself.