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Driven to sea by a father with a murderous past, a Viking prince is pursued by the gods and a dark temptress in his quest for redemption.
What is the quest for redemption? It's too vague. What is the item or place he is trying to get to which metaphorically signifies his redemption? What specifically has he done that he must atone for?
What is the quest for redemption? It’s too vague. What is the item or place he is trying to get to which metaphorically signifies his redemption? What specifically has he done that he must atone for?
See lessThe son of a rich man betrays his Dad for a lot of money, but reforms in jail and wins back the respect of his family after an agonising standoff.
Give us more information about the son (the fact that he has a father gives us this information). What is the perfect word to describe your protagonist, and what is their flaw? How does he betray his dad? Also, be careful of what actually starts your story. The catalyst (the "event" half of the loglRead more
Give us more information about the son (the fact that he has a father gives us this information). What is the perfect word to describe your protagonist, and what is their flaw?
How does he betray his dad? Also, be careful of what actually starts your story. The catalyst (the “event” half of the logline) ALWAYS has to be something that happens TO your protagonist, that shakes them out of their day to day world. I would suggest it’s actually being arrested for whatever he’s done.
“After being convicted of embezzling millions of dollars from his father’s company, en entitled con-man …”
Now, the goal … winning back someone’s respect is too vague. What is he actually doing that would win their respect?
“After being convicted of embezzling millions of dollars from his father’s company, an entitled con-man takes an online business course run by a felon-hating financial guru.”
The goal is still a little vague – obviously passing the course would be the end goal, but the stakes feel a little low. Like, his freedom doesn’t depend on it or anything. Also, I tried to include a clear antagonist to the protagonist achieving their goal.
See lessOn the eve of the year 2000, a homeless street beggar struggles to stay afloat in life seeking a place to rest his weary soul while a drug-addicted Sydney paramedic responds to a call that will forever change both of their lives.
You've described two protagonists - not a protag and an antag - and so your logline is bloated. Whose story is it?
You’ve described two protagonists – not a protag and an antag – and so your logline is bloated. Whose story is it?
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