1. Posted: June 14, 2012In:

    Alex and Eve

    patrockable

    Intrigued about the clash of cultures, but please tell me more about the story! Who is the main character, the boy or the girl? What is her profression, strength and flaw? What specifically stops them from being together? She's been betrothed by her parents? His minister forbid it? What action mustRead more

    Intrigued about the clash of cultures, but please tell me more about the story!

    Who is the main character, the boy or the girl? What is her profression, strength and flaw?

    What specifically stops them from being together? She’s been betrothed by her parents? His minister forbid it?

    What action must these lovebirds take to be together? Elope? Start a fire?

    Also, is this a comedy or drama? To me, “mismatch made in heaven” makes it sound comedic… perhaps a religious take on the Odd Couple?

    Patrockable, Judge

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  2. Posted: June 12, 2012In:

    When a broken-hearted accountant finds out her husband, who disappeared, is now a monk in an isolated mountain village, she journeys there to confront him.

    patrockable

    Thanks for the feedback, Phil and sharkeatingman. Her goal is to meet her husband and find out why he left her and their eight year old daughter. They had a seemingly happy marriage, and then one day, two years ago, he vanishes, without a trace, no note, nothing. It is important to her because she'sRead more

    Thanks for the feedback, Phil and sharkeatingman.

    Her goal is to meet her husband and find out why he left her and their eight year old daughter. They had a seemingly happy marriage, and then one day, two years ago, he vanishes, without a trace, no note, nothing. It is important to her because she’s been withdrawn and uncommunicative, unable to move on. She loved him dearly, and needs closure.

    Do you think the stakes are strong enough based on these facts? If so, it’s hard to say everything in the logline, I’m open to suggestions as to how to say it. 🙂 If not, what would be better stakes?

    Also, the big revelation at the end is not that he is a monk. Her husband’s ex-colleague reveals to her that her husband is a monk at the beginning. This is the inciting incident, that makes her go on the journey.

    The village is isolated, no phones, nothing. Her two best friends and a South Korean guide/monk in training accompany her. The beginning of act two deals with the physical trek up the mountain, and how she bonds with her friends.

    At the mid-point they get to the village, she finds him, and discovers he has taken a vow of silence. Furious, he slaps him, again and again across the face. He lets her hit him, tears streaming down.

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  3. Posted: June 10, 2012In:

    A unpredictable woman wanders into the live of an unconventional and disillusioned psychiatrist, by giving up her identity she start them off on a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of her live. With his help she finds her answers and leaves him with his own questions.

    patrockable

    Hello. I'm sensing an intersting self discovery movie. My advice is: be more specific! Phrases like "gives up her identity", and "a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of life." are too vague and don't tell us much about the story. Tell us more about the main character. What does she do, andRead more

    Hello. I’m sensing an intersting self discovery movie. My advice is: be more specific!

    Phrases like “gives up her identity”, and “a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of life.” are too vague and don’t tell us much about the story.

    Tell us more about the main character. What does she do, and what are her strengths/flaws?

    Tell us what causes her to go on this journey. Meeting the psychiatrist? This would be your “major event” or inciting incident.

    Also, be more specific about the main character’s goal. Perhaps tell us where she and the psychiatrist are journeying to, and what they plan to do when they get there?

    Check out the how to write it section at:

    https://loglines.org/howto/

    To begin with, try to structure your logline as:

    When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action].

    Maybe something like:

    When a recently divorced librarian meets a disillusioned psychatrist, she travels through Burma with him to find the temple of Enlightenment.

    LOL. But fill it in with your story 🙂

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