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When a policeman's family is kidnapped by a sadistic crimelord he must kill a rival crime boss to save his family.
Strong sense of genre. Cool goal. And high stakes! But the main character's a bit bland. He needs a flaw. Also, something to consider: maybe not a cop? It might be too easy for a cop. Could we make him a librarian? A data analyst? Making it hard for the hero spices up the story. (Although it might mRead more
Strong sense of genre. Cool goal. And high stakes! But the main character’s a bit bland. He needs a flaw. Also, something to consider: maybe not a cop? It might be too easy for a cop. Could we make him a librarian? A data analyst? Making it hard for the hero spices up the story. (Although it might mess with the sense of genre!)
I also like Steven’s idea about the MC being the rival crime lord’s brother, or having specialist knowledge. It gives the antagonist a believable motive.
Patrockable (Judge)
See lessWhen a privileged na?ve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.
Oops that was meant to be: When she?s accused of murdering a deranged ::lunatic's occupation::?s wife, a sheltered debutante must prove her innocence. But is she?
Oops that was meant to be:
When she?s accused of murdering a deranged ::lunatic’s occupation::?s wife, a sheltered debutante must prove her innocence. But is she?
See lessWhen a privileged na?ve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.
You've created an interesting main character and antagonist, but she needs a goal! And what are the stakes? It's bad to be attacked, but what is the danger after? Does the antagonist continue to threaten her? Will the police arrest her unless she proves her innocence? Also keep it under 25 words. HeRead more
You’ve created an interesting main character and antagonist, but she needs a goal!
And what are the stakes? It’s bad to be attacked, but what is the danger after? Does the antagonist continue to threaten her? Will the police arrest her unless she proves her innocence?
Also keep it under 25 words.
Here’s my attempt (drawing from the attempts of others):
When she’s accused of murdering a deranged ‘s wife, a sheltered debutante must prove her innocence. But is she?
Patrockable (Judge)
See less