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Accidentally trapped in a painting by the use of future technology, four disparate teens must band together to decode mysteries and outwit thieves to find the path home.
A very intriguing logline. Very Wizard of Oz. But do we need to know about the use of future technology? If that's important to the story, then yes. Otherwise I'd leave it out. Also, maybe elaborate on the 'thieves'. Are they the main antagonist? Could you add some more to their description to makeRead more
A very intriguing logline. Very Wizard of Oz.
But do we need to know about the use of future technology? If that’s important to the story, then yes. Otherwise I’d leave it out.
Also, maybe elaborate on the ‘thieves’. Are they the main antagonist? Could you add some more to their description to make them interesting, or more formidable.
See lessUnable to pay his comatose wife?s hospital bills, a brilliant psychiatrist is forced to take on an unusual patient: an organic supercomputer running mining operations on an asteroid. Will he be able to repair the computer before it crashes the asteroid into the earth?
I agree with Sharkeatingman. The paying for hospital bills is completely redundant in a situation where the fate of the entire world is at stake. I'm pretty sure the government or huge corporation who want him to solve their problem would be more than happy to foot the bill. Instead focus on the iroRead more
I agree with Sharkeatingman. The paying for hospital bills is completely redundant in a situation where the fate of the entire world is at stake. I’m pretty sure the government or huge corporation who want him to solve their problem would be more than happy to foot the bill.
Instead focus on the irony of a man who is trying to save the world, but can’t save the one person he cares for the most.
Maybe: A brilliant psychiatrist must overcome the grief of his terminally ill wife and repair an organic mining-supercomputer, before the asteroid it resides on destroys the planet.
See lessA paranormal investigator, injured and trapped in a bed, can only survive with help from an unscrupulous arsonist, a flesh-eating hound or the unwelcomed spirits he?s been hired to chase!
That's a full on logline. Lots going on. Plenty of interest. Maybe too much going on? Is it the injuries that are trapping him in bed? Because I would reword that part, "injuries trap him in bed". It's only minor, but otherwise it leaves you wondering what would trap someone in bed. Unscrupulous isRead more
That’s a full on logline. Lots going on. Plenty of interest. Maybe too much going on?
Is it the injuries that are trapping him in bed? Because I would reword that part, “injuries trap him in bed”. It’s only minor, but otherwise it leaves you wondering what would trap someone in bed.
Unscrupulous is a nice word, but I think all arsonists are probably unscrupulous. And he doesn’t seem to fit with the other supernatural characters.
Does he have another goal other than survival? I find it’s always so much easier to write a character who’s chasing a goal, rather than running from one. But maybe that’s just me.
Just ends up being a little difficult to picture the story.
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