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When a meek electrical engineer is recruited for an audacious heist, he must gain the trust of the gorgeous sociopath head of security, to exact revenge on the corporation that stole his ideas and his spirit.
Thanks for the feedback guys. It seems the logline isn't quite getting the message across. Or it is and the message is no good. The protag's submisiveness is pretty much his main arc. Maybe more of a lack of courage to act. Until he ends up in too deep to go back and must push on. While the vengeancRead more
Thanks for the feedback guys. It seems the logline isn’t quite getting the message across. Or it is and the message is no good.
The protag’s submisiveness is pretty much his main arc. Maybe more of a lack of courage to act. Until he ends up in too deep to go back and must push on. While the vengeance is the driving force to get him into such a predicament.
And yes, the gaining of trust is the main issue. Well it’s the bulk of act 2 anyway. With the grand heist being act 3. But smaller mini-heists along the way.
I like to think of it as The Italian Job meets Silence of the Lambs. So he must gain the trust of the psychopath character, in order to get the information he needs. Just like Clarice needs Hannibal to catch Buffalo Bill. Except, in this case, she’s hot and so it’s even more complicated if he falls for her.
The location is reasonably interesting, but not at all important enough to go in the logline. The main drama is the meek, not so good with the ladies guy being forced to interact with this gorgeous but totally deadly woman.
Any suggestions on how I really emphasize that?
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While the logline is intriguing it really doesn't a good idea of the story. I needed to read your extra information below to understand it fully. I think it is more important to mention the paleontologist rather than the teenage twins and career. Simply call her a single working mother, the rest isRead more
While the logline is intriguing it really doesn’t a good idea of the story. I needed to read your extra information below to understand it fully. I think it is more important to mention the paleontologist rather than the teenage twins and career. Simply call her a single working mother, the rest is implied.
Same goes with naming the dragon. It’s catchy giving him such a name, and leads me to believe it’s a family/comedy movie. But it’s more for a tag line than a log line.
Given how much description you have to give, I don’t think you could really call this one ‘high concept’.
Having said all that, I’d read the script/watch the movie based on what you have there. But only with the extra description. Not on the logline alone.
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Could be reworded, I find it a little hard to follow. Had to read it a couple of times. While it sounds like some interesting characters, there's no explanation of their motives. Or what's at stake. Definitely sounds like a comedy though.
Could be reworded, I find it a little hard to follow. Had to read it a couple of times.
While it sounds like some interesting characters, there’s no explanation of their motives. Or what’s at stake.
Definitely sounds like a comedy though.
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