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As a series of devastating terrorist attacks are waged on American soil and the citizens of a nation in shock looks to their Government for reassurance, word publicly gets out that one of the embedded terrorists is negotiating a defection directly with the President's wife in return for the violence to stop.
It's too long. The first two lines aren't needed. Or could be greatly compressed. Do we need to specifically state it's American soil? Aren't almost all terrorist attacks devastating? But the main issue I have is it's unclear who the protagonist is? The only person mentioned is the President's wife,Read more
It’s too long. The first two lines aren’t needed. Or could be greatly compressed. Do we need to specifically state it’s American soil? Aren’t almost all terrorist attacks devastating?
But the main issue I have is it’s unclear who the protagonist is? The only person mentioned is the President’s wife, but it’s written from the point of view of the citizens of a nation.
Also, while it’s clear what’s at stake, there’s nothing to indicate what’s stopping the negotiations. I guess negotiations like this are never easy, but if you could mention something specific it would help imagine the story and give it something interesting to distinguish itself from the all the other political thrillers out there.
See lessThe Mover
It's an interesting set of concepts. But they don't seem to be linked. How do they end up in the same story? Stuntman and moving business aren't ironic, and seem to have no relation to the mob or the military. And most of all, why are they all after him? What is the event that sets this in motion? SRead more
It’s an interesting set of concepts. But they don’t seem to be linked. How do they end up in the same story? Stuntman and moving business aren’t ironic, and seem to have no relation to the mob or the military.
And most of all, why are they all after him? What is the event that sets this in motion?
Sounds too much like one of those loglines created by a random generator.
See lessAfter brutal injuries from a notorious torturer leave a man with no memory, his only hope of regaining his identity is to help the FBI hunt his captor?s, before they can finish the job.
The idea is that if he was being tortured he must know something important, so they help him to get his memory. And the only person who knows his identity are the people responsible, so he decides to try and help. It's in their best interest to work together. But I just can't see anyway of includingRead more
The idea is that if he was being tortured he must know something important, so they help him to get his memory. And the only person who knows his identity are the people responsible, so he decides to try and help. It’s in their best interest to work together. But I just can’t see anyway of including that in the logline.
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