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A reluctant rail enthusiast embarks across the country by trains to save a girl with supernatural abilities from an organization that will commit inhumane experiments on her.
Your logline is missing the inciting incident. If the lead character is reluctant to travel across the country, then why is the lead doing it? What prompts the lead to go that far out of his way in order to save... 'a girl' We are not talking about his sister, his lover, his mom, or his daughter, heRead more
Your logline is missing the inciting incident.
If the lead character is reluctant to travel across the country, then why is the lead doing it? What prompts the lead to go that far out of his way in order to save… ‘a girl’
We are not talking about his sister, his lover, his mom, or his daughter, he is just saving… a girl, an unrelated stranger. (I know this because if it was personal, if the person was someone he cared deeply about then it would be in the logline)
Why? How does he even discover this girl is in trouble? Why doesn’t he just call the police? Why is it up to him?
If the lead is reluctant, what compels him to travel all the way across the country… It must be something good and therefore should be in the logline. (And thus compel us to want to go along for the ride)
Your logline is missing the inciting incident.
See lessFollowing the death of her mentally ill father, a stalwart journalist feigns insanity to infiltrate a New York Asylum and expose the horrors within. Based on a true story.
This reads well. I can visualize the story just from reading your logline.
This reads well. I can visualize the story just from reading your logline.
See lessAn Ethiopian young woman adopted by an Israeli couple wants to find her biological parents.
He isn't saying change the lead character's nationality, he is saying there is no conflict written into the logline.
He isn’t saying change the lead character’s nationality, he is saying there is no conflict written into the logline.
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