1. Posted: June 28, 2022In:

    After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

    Richiev Singularity

    I like the soccer/football angle. (Including the ball) I think that is the meat of the story and in some way should be reflected in your logline... very interesting.

    I like the soccer/football angle. (Including the ball) I think that is the meat of the story and in some way should be reflected in your logline… very interesting.

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  2. Posted: June 28, 2022In:

    After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

    Richiev Singularity

    "Bring the sparkle back," is a bit vague. Is there something specific he plans to try in order to accomplish his goal? Does he join a dance ballroom dancing class? Does he ask the girl he likes out? Does he make a list of everything he has ever wanted to do? For instance, in City Slickers the lead cRead more

    “Bring the sparkle back,” is a bit vague. Is there something specific he plans to try in order to accomplish his goal?

    Does he join a dance ballroom dancing class?
    Does he ask the girl he likes out?
    Does he make a list of everything he has ever wanted to do?

    For instance, in City Slickers the lead character has ‘lost his smile’ and in order to get it back he goes to a ranch and lives out his childhood dream of being a cowboy.

    Just curious if there was a specific thing the lead character changes in his life to bring back the sparkle.

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  3. Posted: June 24, 2022In:

    When the disappearance of his wife falls in the hands of androids, a flawed father must seek answers to the reasoning behind his loss while mistakenly neglecting his daughter in the process

    Richiev Singularity

    You might want to reconsider the first line. (up to the coma) I am not quite sure what you mean by, "When the disappearance of his wife falls in the hands of androids..." The way the line is written makes its meaning unclear. Here is just a guess: ----- "When his wife is killed by androids, a flawedRead more

    You might want to reconsider the first line. (up to the coma)

    I am not quite sure what you mean by, “When the disappearance of his wife falls in the hands of androids…”

    The way the line is written makes its meaning unclear. Here is just a guess:
    —–
    “When his wife is killed by androids, a flawed father seeks answers to the loss, while mistakenly neglecting his daughter.”
    —–
    Anyway, a little re-write with some clarity will help the logline get across what is clearly an interesting story concept.

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