1. Posted: March 10, 2019In:

    After her village is massacred, a woman travels to a remote temple to train so she can destroy her enemies and avenge her people.

    Richiev Singularity

    A few specifics will help. But this logline isn't that far off. "When her village is massacred (By this bad dude/antagonist/Ninja's/evil organization) a (Give us an adjective here) woman travels to a remote (Shaolin/Buddhist/give us a name) temple to train (In the art of this fighting style) so sheRead more

    A few specifics will help. But this logline isn’t that far off.

    “When her village is massacred (By this bad dude/antagonist/Ninja’s/evil organization) a (Give us an adjective here) woman travels to a remote (Shaolin/Buddhist/give us a name) temple to train (In the art of this fighting style) so she can face the (specific antagonist) and avenge her people.”

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  2. Posted: March 9, 2019In:

    A semi-retired military contractor accepts a special recon job involving defected Allied and Enemy soldiers in the Middle-East, there, the PMCs uncover a ritualistic cult heralding the emergence of their colossal-sized Nephilim.

    Richiev Singularity

    I have seen a few iterations of this logline.I think you need to add the goal of the lead character once they meet the Nephilim. (Goliath) Is the goal to escape? Is it to defeat? or is it to continue the mission of collecting the defectors?If that still doesn't work then at this point maybe just goRead more

    I have seen a few iterations of this logline.

    I think you need to add the goal of the lead character once they meet the Nephilim. (Goliath) Is the goal to escape? Is it to defeat? or is it to continue the mission of collecting the defectors?

    If that still doesn’t work then at this point maybe just go with the unorthodox logline. (Where you end the logline with the inciting incident)

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  3. Posted: March 10, 2019In:

    When a legendary assassin gets involved with his adversary’s daughter, he must fight for his life, taking on the adversary and multiple assassins, not aware that she may be his saving grace to survive and gain a strong ally.

    Richiev Singularity

    At the beginning of the logline, the lead character has an adversary. Then he gets involved with his adversary's daughter and they are still adversaries... So nothing has changed. They start out as adversaries and continue to be adversaries. So my question is, what has changed due to the inciting inRead more

    At the beginning of the logline, the lead character has an adversary. Then he gets involved with his adversary’s daughter and they are still adversaries… So nothing has changed. They start out as adversaries and continue to be adversaries.

    So my question is, what has changed due to the inciting incident? I think if you focus on what changes and not what stays the same you will strengthen your logline.

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