1. Posted: September 12, 2018In:

    When an aspiring electro musician is suspected for her cousins disappearance, she must prove her innocence by making her upcoming music producer alibi.

    Richiev Singularity

    "After murdering her cousin, an aspiring?musician blackmails her producer into lying about an alibi, but the deeper she gets, the more the bodies pile up." (Innocent people don't need alibi's so I am assuming she is the killer)

    “After murdering her cousin, an aspiring?musician blackmails her producer into lying about an alibi, but the deeper she gets, the more the bodies pile up.”

    (Innocent people don’t need alibi’s so I am assuming she is the killer)

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  2. Posted: September 12, 2018In:

    When a mother realizes that her teenage son is tired of living, she must do something to get him off those dark thoughts before he acts on them.

    Richiev Singularity

    Agreed with dpg, the set up isn't compelling and the leads action 'she must do something' is vague.-----Beginning: When her son tries to commit suicide... (It's hard to show someone 'realizing something' instead you should show an action. The son attempts but fails to kill himself, now we have a comRead more

    Agreed with dpg, the set up isn’t compelling and the leads action ‘she must do something’ is vague.
    —–

    Beginning: When her son tries to commit suicide… (It’s hard to show someone ‘realizing something’ instead you should show an action. The son attempts but fails to kill himself, now we have a compelling inciting incident)

    Middle: A distraught mom, books them on a trip to Tahiti… (Obviously, your logline will be different, but ‘she must do something is vague. instead tell us what she does in her attempt to save her son, because that will probably be your hook)

    End: to show her son?life is worth living. (Showing her son life is worth living is a positive goal, getting him off those dark thoughts is a negative goal, I would try to go positive in main characters goal instead of negative)
    —–

    End result: “When her son tries to commit suicide, a distraught mom books them on a trip to Tahiti to show her son life is worth living.”?

    Again, your logline will be different I am just trying to show you the thought process.

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  3. Posted: September 12, 2018In:

    When a contract killer murders the wrong person, he must hire a body guard to protect himself from his own employer.

    Richiev Singularity

    Is the contract killer the lead character or the bodyguard? Also; your logline, (as written) is reactive, not proactive. Does the lead character have a goal? Is there some way to 'make it right' when it comes to the botched hit?

    Is the contract killer the lead character or the bodyguard?

    Also; your logline, (as written) is reactive, not proactive. Does the lead character have a goal? Is there some way to ‘make it right’ when it comes to the botched hit?

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