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Revised: After her children are taken, on account of her mental illness, a holier-than-though mother must reclaim them, by undergoing a life-threatening VR therapy: defeating embodiments of her demons in simulated combat.
"When she loses custody of her children, a desperate mother joins an experimental?virtual reality treatment for her mental condition, in the hopes of a cure and getting her kids back."
“When she loses custody of her children, a desperate mother joins an experimental?virtual reality treatment for her mental condition, in the hopes of a cure and getting her kids back.”
See lessRevision: Trapped into a lease with his ex-wife, a depressed writer must navigate the intricacies of single life, but when he falls for his married boss, life gets so much more complicated.
Like your last attempt, the premise is interesting. However, after the set-up of being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife, the rest of your story goes off in a different direction. You have such a strong setup, the story should be about being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife. That's your hook.
Like your last attempt, the premise is interesting. However, after the set-up of being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife, the rest of your story goes off in a different direction.
You have such a strong setup, the story should be about being stuck in a lease with his ex-wife. That’s your hook.
See lessRevision #2: When a depressed drunk he assists claims to be a cupid, a widowered psychiatrist who?s forgotten how to feel love must see the world through the drunk’s eyes to uncover the truth and help him find a reason to live again.
"When a foul-mouthed, depressed, man claiming to be Cupid is ordered to undergo psychiatric treatment, a widowed?psychiatrist determines he must convince his patient love truly exists if he is to help him regain his sanity."
“When a foul-mouthed, depressed, man claiming to be Cupid is ordered to undergo psychiatric treatment, a widowed?psychiatrist determines he must convince his patient love truly exists if he is to help him regain his sanity.”
See less