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“An African-American family moves into a small gated community faces racial discrimination from the white community members is forced to leave, but everything changes when a terrible incident occurs, which ends racism”
Protagonists are Proactive In your logline, things happen to your protagonists. First, they face discrimination Second, they are forced to leave Third, an incident occurs But what does the family do about it? What action do your leads take? In other words, your protagonists are coming across as passRead more
Protagonists are Proactive
In your logline, things happen to your protagonists.
First, they face discrimination
Second, they are forced to leave
Third, an incident occurs
But what does the family do about it? What action do your leads take?
In other words, your protagonists are coming across as passive.
If that is not the case, if in your story the protagonists are proactive, you should add that element to improve the logline.
Hope that helps
See lessWhen corporate spy infiltrates a fanatic cult which overthrew a deep space mining colony, he finds a mind altering alien artifact capable of conjuring world-destroying monster.
You do make some good points. However, what I meant by, he must (do this thing) is more along the lines of. "He must travel to mount doom", in order to destroy the ring. In other words, what is the plan? What is the thing he must do, in order to be able to destroy or stop the alien artifact (Even ifRead more
You do make some good points.
However, what I meant by, he must (do this thing) is more along the lines of. “He must travel to mount doom”, in order to destroy the ring.
In other words, what is the plan? What is the thing he must do, in order to be able to destroy or stop the alien artifact (Even if the plan fails in the end)
Thinking on paper here:
You have an alien artifact that can alter a person’s mind, then my guess would be the lead must find a way to protect his mind from being controlled by the alien artifact in some way before he could destroy it.
For the sake of tension, perhaps this (Mind Protection) will only last 24 hours. This is because of (Insert, Scientific mumbo jumbo here) so your lead would have a ticking clock, a limited time to infiltrate the cult, save his daughter, and destroy the artifact before he becomes mind-controlled by the thing.
Anyway, that is just an idea. Hope it helps.
See lessI think the concept is solid
When corporate spy infiltrates a fanatic cult which overthrew a deep space mining colony, he finds a mind altering alien artifact capable of conjuring world-destroying monster.
"When he discovers a mind-altering alien artifact capable of conjuring a world-destroying monster, a corporate spy must (Do this thing) or (This bad thing) will happen."
“When he discovers a mind-altering alien artifact capable of conjuring a world-destroying monster, a corporate spy must (Do this thing) or (This bad thing) will happen.”
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