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A talented Fil-Am restaurateur returns to his country of birth where he is challenged by an unscrupulous boyhood friend, with a promise of co-ownership, to transform his failing Manila restaurant to number one on TripAdvisor.
The goal of a story doesn't always have to be about saving the world. But the goal should always 'mean the world' to the lead character. I like the elements in your logline but why does making his friend's restaurant number 1 on Trip Advisor 'mean the world' to the lead character? In your story, theRead more
The goal of a story doesn’t always have to be about saving the world.
But the goal should always ‘mean the world’ to the lead character.
I like the elements in your logline but why does making his friend’s restaurant number 1 on Trip Advisor ‘mean the world’ to the lead character?
In your story, the lead has a life back home. If he fails it doesn’t matter. As written in your logline and synopsis, there doesn’t seem to be any stakes.
Anyway, it’s a great concept it just seems to be missing a compelling reason for the lead to want to accomplish his goal. I believe adding that one element would improve an already good story.
See lessThe door of the gallery opens wide and the young woman without looking around walks straight into the hall towards the man with a gloomy face. It is not expected, but they meet right here, in one of the most important galleries in the world. Who would have thought about it twenty years ago in a small town train station when they saw each other for the last time.
You are describing a scene. But a logline is a one-sentence synopsis of the plot. A logline will most likely have 1: A Lead character 2: An inciting incident 3: A goal 4: And Conflict (something standing in the way of the goal) All in about 25 to 30 words Can there be exceptions, yes Can you occasioRead more
You are describing a scene.
But a logline is a one-sentence synopsis of the plot.
A logline will most likely have
1: A Lead character
2: An inciting incident
3: A goal
4: And Conflict (something standing in the way of the goal)
All in about 25 to 30 words
Can there be exceptions, yes
See lessCan you occasionally break the rules, yes
But for the most part, you are giving the reader enough information to visualize the plot, without giving away the ending.
A family member is involved in an accident, but it is covered up. A few years later, the man who now runs an escort club is again involved in a mysterious incident.
I will add this; you should personalize the logline and add a goal, because 'family member' is very vague. "When his 'sister' <-- (Brother, cousins, something specific) is involved in a terrible accident, A club owner 'must discover' <-- (Goal) if someone is targeting him and those hRead more
I will add this; you should personalize the logline and add a goal, because ‘family member’ is very vague.
“When his ‘sister’ <– (Brother, cousins, something specific) is involved in a terrible accident, A club owner 'must discover' <– (Goal) if someone is targeting him and those he loves."
Make us feel the loss.
See less