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When a black high school football star mysteriously disappears, his four daring friends and their dog set out to find him, unraveling the dark secrets of their small town and a possible serial killer among the town?s elite.
The problem is, I know more about someone?who isn't even in the story, (the missing football player) than I do the lead character. In fact, you don't give us a lead character in your logline. Saying 'four daring friends' is generic, saying 'dog' is generic, saying 'dark secrets' is generic I also doRead more
The problem is, I know more about someone?who isn’t even in the story, (the missing football player) than I do the lead character.
In fact, you don’t give us a lead character in your logline.
Saying ‘four daring friends’ is generic, saying ‘dog’ is generic, saying ‘dark secrets’ is generic
I also don’t understand why the friends are not letting the police investigate. (I am not saying they should let the police investigate, I am saying the,?‘why them’ is missing from the logline)
So this sounds like a great concept for a story, it sounds like you have this ready to go… but the logline is too vague; and while the logline should not give away all the secrets of a script, basic elements like knowing who the lead character is should be clear from reading a logline.
Remember this is just a critique of the logline, I like the concept.
See lessWhen a black high school football star mysteriously disappears, his four daring friends and their dog set out to find him, unraveling the dark secrets of their small town and a possible serial killer among the town?s elite.
You don't need the dog in the logline because it doesn't?add anything? (Unless the dog is the main character like Lassie) It just adds extra words. ----------------------------------- "When his best friend goes missing, a determined high school journalist investigates clues the small town police migRead more
You don’t need the dog in the logline because it doesn’t?add anything? (Unless the dog is the main character like Lassie) It just adds extra words.
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“When his best friend goes missing, a determined high school journalist investigates clues the small town police might have missed, leading him to believe there may be a serial killer among the town’s elite.”
As his best friend – an alcoholic old Hollywood star – begs for death, a young reporter sees his own fate and takes a dramatic step to rewrite the story of his life.
While I understand where you are going with this, what you have written is just the inciting incident, it's the set-up to your story, the story would be what the lead character does about it.
While I understand where you are going with this, what you have written is just the inciting incident, it’s the set-up to your story, the story would be what the lead character does about it.
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