1. Posted: February 11, 2018In:

    After losing everything in a battle that he thought was to the death, The Gambler Fox is teleported from Mystic Post Medieval Ireland to Modern Day Las Vegas, Fox must learn to survive and live with a different type of people while looking for the one, Raven, who took everything from him and try to keep his reborn love, Vivian, from being killed a second time.

    Richiev Singularity

    One of the reasons your logline is so long is because you give us two inciting incidents; The first is surviving the battle to the death, the second is being transported to modern-day Las Vegas, However, as I continue reading your logline I realized that neither one of them are actually your incitinRead more

    One of the reasons your logline is so long is because you give us two inciting incidents;

    The first is surviving the battle to the death, the second is being transported to modern-day Las Vegas,

    However, as I continue reading your logline I realized that neither one of them are actually your inciting incident. Apparently, the’ antagonist’ killed his love (Vivian) earlier in the story but you fail to mention it in the logline…

    If the goal of your character is to save Vivian?from being killed again, then the inciting incident would be when she is killed the first time.

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  2. Posted: February 9, 2018In:

    A young family experience supernatural happenings in their new home. After the family pet is butchered and the children have been attacked in their beds a non believer must play devils advocate to the deadly unseen evil by taking a life in order to save his families.

    Richiev Singularity

    Now the obvious question... does the story begin with the lead character having to take a life to appease the evil spirit, and the rest of the movie is about that decision, or does that come later in the script? Because it will affect how the logline should be written. The good thing, The lead beingRead more

    Now the obvious question… does the story begin with the lead character having to take a life to appease the evil spirit, and the rest of the movie is about that decision, or does that come later in the script? Because it will affect how the logline should be written.

    The good thing, The lead being ordered by the evil spirit to take a life is the ‘hook’ (although a dark one) and it’s good you added it to the logline because it wasn’t coming through in your previous attempts.

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  3. Posted: February 8, 2018In:

    After the mysterious death of his colleague, a scientist discovers one of their test subject is awake to exact revenge on those involved in making him an undead

    Richiev Singularity

    "When he's brought back to life in excruciating pain, a hungry zombie seeks revenge on the scientists who?revived him vowing not to stop until he's dead again or has eaten all their brains."

    “When he’s brought back to life in excruciating pain, a hungry zombie seeks revenge on the scientists who?revived him vowing not to stop until he’s dead again or has eaten all their brains.”

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