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When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket, he continues his eternal battle to survive, living in his beach cavern, and crosses the path of an interesting fauna of people ? amongst whom the winner.
An inciting incident sets the course of action for the lead character.Your inciting incident "When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket" is problematic because the lead character doesn't even know it happened, They did it unknowingly. Therefore the inciting incident has no relationsRead more
An inciting incident sets the course of action for the lead character.
Your inciting incident “When unknowingly a lottery salesman sells a winning ticket” is problematic because the lead character doesn’t even know it happened, They did it unknowingly. Therefore the inciting incident has no relationship to the rest of characters actions.
See lessAn ordinary biker girl sacrifices her extraordinary corporate career to win her love ; embarks on a solo Motorcycle quest of her inspirational soulmate.
Story is conflict, I am not seeing any conflict (I am not saying your story has no conflict, I am just saying I don't see it expressed in the logline)
Story is conflict, I am not seeing any conflict (I am not saying your story has no conflict, I am just saying I don’t see it expressed in the logline)
See lessWhen the king becomes deathly ill, the legalistic crown prince, armed with King Solomon-like wisdom and Bruce Lee-like skills, must save the gun-controlled country from a powerful and lawless uncle.
A story is about something (A Theme) It could be redemption It could be, love conquers all It could be, brotherhood. I am not seeing a focus on a theme in your story. It could be coming of age It could be, revenge It could be, justice or it could be a morality tale about the evils of gun control. IRead more
A story is about something (A Theme)
It could be redemption
It could be, love conquers all
It could be, brotherhood.
I am not seeing a focus on a theme in your story.
It could be coming of age
It could be, revenge
It could be, justice
or it could be a morality tale about the evils of gun control.
I would look at the theme of your story, then re-write the logline to showcase that theme.
—–
Revenge:
“When his father is poisoned, an out-of-touch crown prince must rally the common man to take down his evil uncle who has usurped the throne.”
Also, because I have given him the weakness of being out-of-touch we can now see how rallying the people might be a difficult task for the prince
See less—–
Justice:
“When his evil uncle usurps the thrown and savagely exploits the people, Crown Prince gives up his pacifist?ways, ?dawns a disguise and protects the common man from his uncles cruelty.”
hope that helped