1. Posted: April 23, 2017In:

    When a feisty child psychologist fights the system to save a haunted boy, she crosses red lines but what she learns is as precious as what she gives.

    Richiev Singularity

    If the story is about the lead character fighting the system, then the incident that sets the story in motion should be something cruel which the system does to the boy. that should be added to the logline. Also, 'system' is impersonal, You should give the "system" a face. A specific person who reprRead more

    If the story is about the lead character fighting the system, then the incident that sets the story in motion should be something cruel which the system does to the boy.
    that should be added to the logline.

    Also, ‘system’ is impersonal, You should give the “system” a face. A specific person who represents all that is wrong with the system.

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  2. Posted: April 23, 2017In:

    a loser terrorist wants to go to heaven tries to find the bomb he lost to explode it.

    Richiev Singularity

    In a story the audience must connect with the lead character, They must want him or her to succeed. In your logline he is both a loser and a terrorist neither of which would be endearing to the audience. So what this logline needs is something that tells us why we should want the lead to succeed.

    In a story the audience must connect with the lead character, They must want him or her to succeed. In your logline he is both a loser and a terrorist neither of which would be endearing to the audience.
    So what this logline needs is something that tells us why we should want the lead to succeed.

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  3. Posted: April 22, 2017In:

    A 20th Century future king with the wisdom of King Solomon and the skills of Bruce Lee must overcome the evils of the royal family.

    Richiev Singularity

    It is important to word a logline so it can only be read one way.In your logline you use the term 'future king'If you mean he will one day be a king you should use the term: Crown Prince If you mean he is a king who lives in the future you should say: In the future, a King...This will help avoid conRead more

    It is important to word a logline so it can only be read one way.

    In your logline you use the term ‘future king’

    If you mean he will one day be a king you should use the term: Crown Prince
    If you mean he is a king who lives in the future you should say: In the future, a King…

    This will help avoid confusion

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