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Aliens in need of a battlefield chose earth for their war, now in the remnant of the devastating war; a suicidal man must find a reason to save humanity, which is facing extinction.
This is an odd story, you have a suicidal man who 'must find a reason' to save humanity. This suggests that the lead character has the ability to save humanity ?but isn't sure if he should. So the story would be about the inner conflict of the suicidal man deciding whether he should save mankind orRead more
This is an odd story, you have a suicidal man who ‘must find a reason’ to save humanity.
This suggests that the lead character has the ability to save humanity ?but isn’t sure if he should. So the story would be about the inner conflict of the suicidal man deciding whether he should save mankind or not. Sort of ‘to be or not to be’
See less?A lone recruit with a conflicted past, marked by the return to his dark, twisted family now living in a divided State, chasing their one-way ticket to social class freedom. ?
I agree with dpg, this logline is missing some basic elements ----- a lone recruit... A lone recruit to what, and why is he the only recruit? Does the lead have special abilities? Who is recruiting him? why did he leave? with a conflicted past... I would just drop this, it doesn't add anything to thRead more
I agree with dpg, this logline is missing some basic elements
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a lone recruit… A lone recruit to what, and why is he the only recruit? Does the lead have special abilities? Who is recruiting him? why did he leave?
with a conflicted past… I would just drop this, it doesn’t add anything to the story
marked by the return to his dark, twisted family… why would he return to them? If they are dark and twisted you should give us a compelling reason why the lead would go back to his family (Probably the inciting incident dpg was talking about)
Now living in a divided state… What state, how is it divided, this is confusing. Do you mean a state as ‘California’ is a state, do you mean a state as a ‘country’ is a state, or do you mean a state as in ‘a state of being’?
Chasing their one-way ticket to social class freedom… Now you have the word ‘their’ in the logline, as a result I believe you are talking about the family, because of this, the family seem to be the characters with the goal, not the lead. The logline should concentrate on the lead character’s goal not a side characters goal.
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You give us a lot of information but is either out of context or confusing for the reader. ?If there is a compelling story here it is hard to tell from this logline.
I would re-write this logline recognizing that the reader doesn’t have all the back story and inside information which makes the logline understandable for you the writer but confusing to the reader.
See lessA movie star plagued by scandal quits his Hollywood life and moves to Australia to find a new purpose.
This is more of a set up than a story, the story would be what the lead does when he gets to Australia but your logline only tells us about why the lead came to Australia but gives no hint as to what the actual story is about.
This is more of a set up than a story, the story would be what the lead does when he gets to Australia but your logline only tells us about why the lead came to Australia but gives no hint as to what the actual story is about.
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