1. Posted: August 11, 2016In:

    Faced with his impending death, a middle-aged slacker takes on a series of odd jobs to earn enough money to afford a plot in a prestigious memorial park while trying to make amends with the woman he shouldn’t have let go.

    Richiev Singularity

    I actually like the plot about earning enough money for a grave, (Especially if the grave plot is beside someone he loves) I haven't seen that movie. I have seen movies about people trying to make amends with someone they love. I would focus on the 'grave' plot in the logline and keep the other plotRead more

    I actually like the plot about earning enough money for a grave, (Especially if the grave plot is beside someone he loves) I haven’t seen that movie.

    I have seen movies about people trying to make amends with someone they love.

    I would focus on the ‘grave’ plot in the logline and keep the other plotline for the script.

    But that is just me.

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  2. Posted: August 12, 2016In:

    A repentant terrorist decided to erase his memory and start over new life, but soon he was chased by his past

    Richiev Singularity

    Because his memories have been erased, he has no recollection of the past.In your logline you are telling us the story from the writers perspective, that his past is catching up to him. Instead you should tell us the story from his perspective.He's (Possibly) a family man, then out of nowhere someonRead more

    Because his memories have been erased, he has no recollection of the past.

    In your logline you are telling us the story from the writers perspective, that his past is catching up to him. Instead you should tell us the story from his perspective.

    He’s (Possibly) a family man, then out of nowhere someone tries to kill him. He doesn’t know why because he doesn’t remember his past. Now we have a mystery, why are these men out to kill him? Why do they want?
    That would be the story from his perspective.

    A movie that does this well is “The Long Kiss Goodnight” staring Gena Davis.

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  3. Posted: August 12, 2016In:

    When several wealthy young ski bums appear to commit suicide, a nerdy female police investigator must find a psychopath in the clannish world of the ski resort

    Richiev Singularity

    There is a gap between 'apparent suicide' and 'must find a psychopath' You need something to bridge that gap... Here is an attempt?-----"When a straight edge police officer questions an apparent suicide, she defies her Sargent and secretly investigates the closed case, pretending to be a ski bum inRead more

    There is a gap between ‘apparent suicide’ and ‘must find a psychopath’ You need something to bridge that gap… Here is an attempt?
    —–
    “When a straight edge police officer questions an apparent suicide, she defies her Sargent and secretly investigates the closed case, pretending to be a ski bum in order to discover the truth”
    —–

    Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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