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An intelligent but unsuccessful father must save his kids from terrorist who think that he is a Superhero.
First; I do like that the logline is short and to the point. However, you tell us he is an unsuccessful father, this could be taken two different ways, so the line should be re-written. (In other words, does the line mean, he's a 'bad father' or 'unsuccessful at his job') Also; the term terrorists iRead more
First; I do like that the logline is short and to the point.
However, you tell us he is an unsuccessful father, this could be taken two different ways, so the line should be re-written. (In other words, does the line mean, he’s a ‘bad father’ or ‘unsuccessful at his job’)
Also; the term terrorists is vague as well. Is there a more specific way you could describe them, are they members if the IRA, are they Islamic extremists, are they eco-terrorists? By adding just one word you could give us a better indication of who the bad guys are…
Next; is there a face to the bad guys, one specific person who could represent the terrorists. Maybe a guy who’s obsessed with Lex Luthor and sees this as his chance to become a comic book villain?
Finally; “Why him” Why not the police? Why not the FBI?
If I had kids and they were kidnapped by terrorists I would call 911.
Hope that helped, good luck with your script!
See lessA persistent class president investigates the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind an admired teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.
Your second attempt is better. The question, is the story about the class presidents investigation, or is it about the class presidents revenge? That will influence how the logline is written.
Your second attempt is better.
The question, is the story about the class presidents investigation, or is it about the class presidents revenge? That will influence how the logline is written.
See lessA persistent class president investigates the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind an admired teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.
Who's the lead?You begin the logline from the perspective of the teacher, the inciting incident is from the teacher's point of view, but it's the class president who has the goal? You should write this logline from the characters who's the lead.Hope that helps, good luck with this!
Who’s the lead?
You begin the logline from the perspective of the teacher, the inciting incident is from the teacher’s point of view, but it’s the class president who has the goal? You should write this logline from the characters who’s the lead.
Hope that helps, good luck with this!
See less