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A terrifying dream, twisted by a crafty Vizier, drives an ageing king to dispose his new-born grandson heir in the wild mountains. 18 Years later the aged king discovers the Royal Games Gladiator Winners pedigree
Who's the lead?From your logline it seems as if the aging king is the lead character, however in most stories of this nature, it's the abandoned prince who is the lead character.If the abandoned prince is the lead not the father you should rewrite the logline from the point of the prince. If the kinRead more
Who’s the lead?
From your logline it seems as if the aging king is the lead character, however in most stories of this nature, it’s the abandoned prince who is the lead character.
If the abandoned prince is the lead not the father you should rewrite the logline from the point of the prince.
If the king is the lead, you should come up with an inciting incident that isn’t 18 years in the past.
Good luck with this, hope that helped.
See lessA young man cursed by the blood of pirates that flows within him , promises his dying sister to find the famous treasure left by his father ”The lord of the oceans”.
What does "Cursed by the blood of pirates" mean?Since the curse is an important part of the logline, I would work on helping the reader understand what it means.
What does “Cursed by the blood of pirates” mean?
Since the curse is an important part of the logline, I would work on helping the reader understand what it means.
See lessA woman decides to sabotage her best friend’s wedding when she realizes her former fiance is proposing to her.
I agree with dpg, I don't understand the relationship between the first half of the logline and the second.But let's set that aside for the moment.In terms of cause and effect your logline is backwardsA: When she realizes her former fiance is proposing to her (Cause)B: She decides to sabotage her beRead more
I agree with dpg, I don’t understand the relationship between the first half of the logline and the second.
But let’s set that aside for the moment.
In terms of cause and effect your logline is backwards
A: When she realizes her former fiance is proposing to her (Cause)
B: She decides to sabotage her best friends wedding. (Effect)
You have placed the B before the A…
I believe loglines flow better when you put A: Cause before B: effect.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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