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When an institutionalized shopaholic finds out that the perverse clinical director use his patients as guinea pigs in a medical trial meant to increase consumerism habits, he must fight his addiction to sabotage the experiment and escape from the clinic.
The main problem with this logline is, you have to read it a couple times to understand it. These phrases are a bit confusing or awkward: ruined shopaholic crazy addiction treatment center serum of mass consumption regain the civilized world I would try saying the same thing but in a clearer mannerRead more
The main problem with this logline is, you have to read it a couple times to understand it.
These phrases are a bit confusing or awkward:
ruined shopaholic
crazy addiction treatment center
serum of mass consumption
regain the civilized world
I would try saying the same thing but in a clearer manner in order to get your story across.
See lessWhen a Hercules bank plane crash lands in the desert, a young experienced gunslinger and his brothers must battle against an assortment of mercenaries down a long desert road to get to the money first before the military arrive.
This is a bit confusing. When I hear the term 'gunslinger' it's specific to the old west. (Except in football, where it means a QB who throw's alot) However the Hercules bank planes wouldn't be around till the 1960's. How would a gunslinger from the 1800's be transported to modern times? Just curiouRead more
This is a bit confusing. When I hear the term ‘gunslinger’ it’s specific to the old west. (Except in football, where it means a QB who throw’s alot) However the Hercules bank planes wouldn’t be around till the 1960’s. How would a gunslinger from the 1800’s be transported to modern times? Just curious?
See lessWhen her favorite dream-streamer stops sharing his dreams, a rigid executive must help him dream again to win the contract of her life before her nightmares destroy her temper.
This is an interesting concept however, 'must try everything...' is very vague. You should tell us specifically she tries to do to get him to dream again or drop the line. ----- "When her favorite dream-streamer stops uploading, a cold executive must help him dream again to stop her nightmares and sRead more
This is an interesting concept however, ‘must try everything…’ is very vague. You should tell us specifically she tries to do to get him to dream again or drop the line.
—–
“When her favorite dream-streamer stops uploading, a cold executive must help him dream again to stop her nightmares and save her equilibrium.”
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However, ‘save her equilibrium’ is not very compelling.
Does she have another goal? Does she have an important deal or client and may lose them if she doesn’t get a good nights sleep? Is her job is at stake and her whole world will come crashing down if she doesn’t get the dream streamer to stream again?
Because, that would be a bit more compelling
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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