1. Posted: April 5, 2021In:

    A wealthy businessman who leads a double life manages to accept his homosexuality only after discovering that his son is struggling with the same conflict.

    Richiev Singularity

    You need to let us know what the conflict is. You should put the lead character in a situation where there would be people who would not accept his homosexuality. There would be stakes. ------------------------- "When he discovers his son is gay, but afraid to reveal his secret, a conservative RabbiRead more

    You need to let us know what the conflict is. You should put the lead character in a situation where there would be people who would not accept his homosexuality. There would be stakes.
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    “When he discovers his son is gay, but afraid to reveal his secret, a conservative Rabbi who has hidden his homosexuality, vows to reveal his secret to the synagogue but worries his congregation will reject him.”
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    In this, there is conflict because the lead might be fired for revealing he is gay, also in this we don’t know how the story ends. What happens when he reveals he is gay to the Synagogue? It is left a mystery to be revealed by reading the entire script.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: April 5, 2021In:

    A wealthy businessman who leads a double life manages to accept his homosexuality only after discovering that his son is struggling with the same conflict.

    Richiev Singularity

    You are telling us the third act, you are giving away the ending. In a logline you have a character, something happens that breaks up the norm, this causes conflict, and something or someone stands in the way of the lead accomplishing their goal; but you don't give away the resolution. In your logliRead more

    You are telling us the third act, you are giving away the ending.

    In a logline you have a character, something happens that breaks up the norm, this causes conflict, and something or someone stands in the way of the lead accomplishing their goal; but you don’t give away the resolution.

    In your logline you let us know there is a happy ending. The lead character who struggled with being gay accepts it in the end.

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  3. Posted: March 31, 2021In:

    Three characters, three life stories, integrate as a schizophrenic detective puts together puzzle-pieces in a quest to imprison a split-serial killer posing as Hollywood’s Messiah. — WHOLE

    Richiev Singularity

    I like that logline better. It is an unconventional logline, but you do have an unconventional story. If I think of anything that can help, I will let you know.

    I like that logline better. It is an unconventional logline, but you do have an unconventional story.

    If I think of anything that can help, I will let you know.

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