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3rd version: When she falls in love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, an OCD-afflicted introvert?s latent insecurities threaten her rare romance with worry, frustration and jealousy.
>> The hook is there.. you have a building issue of a relationship that blossoms online but is hindered in real life by the stutter.Right, but the woman online does not know the man has a stutter. That's the hook, the ultimate and visual conflict, and the drama. The woman in your logline knowsRead more
>> The hook is there.. you have a building issue of a relationship that blossoms online but is hindered in real life by the stutter.
Right, but the woman online does not know the man has a stutter. That’s the hook, the ultimate and visual conflict, and the drama. The woman in your logline knows about the OCD and sees past it so everything is soft or internal or absent. To apply The Stutterer here would mean, as an example and not trying to make it shine: Falling in love for the first time, a protag with OCD tries every therapy and trick to keep it secret from her (description) girlfriend.
See less3RD DRAFT…..The idyllic life of an adolescent surfer drastically changes when his family moves to pre-revolution Tehran, an American melting pot submerged in an alien culture where certain realities are but an illusion.
Agree, and this is the first version I thought about. The setting is dramatic, now clarify the drama for the protag. It could be clearer if the move angers the guy. But then what? If this is character-driven and not a plot-based objective, still paint the picture of what he does most of the time.Read more
Agree, and this is the first version I thought about.
The setting is dramatic, now clarify the drama for the protag. It could be clearer if the move angers the guy. But then what? If this is character-driven and not a plot-based objective, still paint the picture of what he does most of the time.
>> where certain realities are but an illusion
Either the story is hidden in these words or they can be cut and the rest of the logline should convey the point.
See lessCursed to forever wander the earth by her ancient ancestors, a jobbing painter must seek a way to repaint the Cistine Chapel to reflect Gnostic Beliefs so that she may finally find eternal rest.
Does she spend most of the time painting? What is the conflict exactly? How does that objective end the curse? How is this coming of age?
Does she spend most of the time painting?
What is the conflict exactly?
How does that objective end the curse?
How is this coming of age?
See less