Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
: Six high school boys become competitors and then, enemies, when they get involved in the drug world, leading to a triple murder.
Agree. Do they start as friends? Is this about good kids gone bad or bad kids gone worse? Clarify the hook. Specify the drug/world. Do they sell in school or everywhere in town? As above, is there something more to say about the school or the town? No need to state the triple murder and the stakes wRead more
Agree.
Do they start as friends? Is this about good kids gone bad or bad kids gone worse? Clarify the hook.
Specify the drug/world. Do they sell in school or everywhere in town? As above, is there something more to say about the school or the town?
No need to state the triple murder and the stakes will be understood when the rest is sharpened.
See less2nd revision: A photographer with OCD battles her insecurities in a rare romance with a jovial woman who sees past her affliction.
Weird, I reviewed this on Thursday and now don't see it...Agree. What is the conflict between them or against the pair?If the romance is the A Story, clarify the hook and what makes this special.Along with the above, what is more meaningful to say about the? woman than jovial?
Weird, I reviewed this on Thursday and now don’t see it…
Agree.
What is the conflict between them or against the pair?
If the romance is the A Story, clarify the hook and what makes this special.
Along with the above, what is more meaningful to say about the? woman than jovial?
See lessA cheerless workaholic?s attempt to mercy kill her ailing grandfather goes spectacularly wrong when his easygoing caregiver Kyle takes the euthanasia pill instead. Overwhelmed with guilt, Joy dives down a rabbit-hole in New York City on a 24-hour quest for a cure while also giving Kyle the best last day of his life (just in case!).
That's a fresh premise!>> A cheerless workaholic?sWith the predicament she gets into, it's hard to see what these two flaws add to the story. One flaw for the logline is usually enough, though sometimes there is no significant flaw and it's more about the innocent (or innocent-ish) protag dealRead more
That’s a fresh premise!
>> A cheerless workaholic?s
With the predicament she gets into, it’s hard to see what these two flaws add to the story. One flaw for the logline is usually enough, though sometimes there is no significant flaw and it’s more about the innocent (or innocent-ish) protag dealing with the issue.
>> to mercy kill her ailing grandfather
Consider that he pressures her to do it or there’s some other mixup with the same result. Even for a comedy, I’m not sure I’d care for the protag otherwise.
>> goes spectacularly wrong
Redundant, the action conveys this.
>> Kyle…Joy
Cut the names.
>> dives down a rabbit-hole
Seems to say make-believe is involved. Is that the case? If yes, clarify. If no, cut as it would be redundant with a clearer A Story.
>> on a 24-hour quest for a cure while also giving Kyle the best last day of his life (just in case!).
Hard to see how both are active and simultaneous objectives. Is one more of the A Story?
By shortening other parts, there would be room to clarify the cure quest, if that’s the A Story. Does she have to go to a particular place? Is she seeking a particular person or ingredient? What is the conflict in trying to achieve something like this?
See less